Every You and Every Me
by Justice of the People
Summary: A series of ficlets. XanatosObiWan. Warning: SLASH. Nongraphic, rating just in case.
1. Last Time

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Star Wars is the property of George Lucas and Jedi Apprentice is the property of Jude Watson.

**Last Time**

He was doing it again.

Every time he left, every time he returned to the temple, it was over. He always told himself that it wasn't the Jedi way. That he was betraying Qui-Gon's trust. He told himself that he would never go back.

But he always did.

Obi-Wan knew that path to Xanatos's Coruscant home well; he had gone over it many times. Qui-Gon didn't know that Xanatos was even alive, let alone on Coruscant. Obi-Wan knew that he should tell him.

But he wouldn't.

The buttons glowed blue in front of Obi-Wan's hand, begging for the code to open the door to Xanatos's home. Obi-Wan hovered for a moment, his hand poised in front of them.

_Turn around._

_Walk away._

He deftly typed in the code he had memorized, and the door slid open with a satisfactory whoosh. Obi-Wan went inside. The door led to a sitting room, which held a couch and a low table. There were no pictures, decorations, or ornaments. Xanatos didn't have time for such frivolous things, and it left his home feeling like a tomb, cold and empty.

Much like the man.

Obi-Wan sat down on the couch, leaning his head back. Xanatos was not there; if he had been home he would have known of Obi-Wan's presence immediately.

_I'll wait. I shouldn't, but I will._

In the past year Obi-Wan had done a lot of things he shouldn't have. He had discovered Xanatos several days after his 19th birthday by accident. He should have told Qui-Gon immediately. Weeks later he ran into Xanatos again. He should have said no when the other man invited him to have a drink. He should have left when Xanatos kissed him. He should have done all those things.

He didn't.

And most importantly, he never should have gone back to Xanatos's home after that mistake of a night.

He did.

Even then Obi-Wan didn't know what Xanatos's appeal was. What was it about this man that made him worth Obi-Wan risking his entire future?

He would be exiled immediately if the council found out, he knew this. Jedi didn't have lovers. They practiced celibacy to avoid conflicts and feelings of possession.

Obi-Wan scoffed at this. He could share a bed with Xanatos all he wanted; he would never possess the man. No one owned Xanatos.

As for the conflict, Obi-Wan had no way of arguing with that.

_Someday, when of all this is brought to light, there will most certainly be conflict._

Dusk was settling over the twinkling lights of Coruscant when Obi-Wan heard the door behind him open. He didn't turn, he knew exactly who it was.

Cool hands brushed the back of his neck. Obi-Wan leaned into the touch.

"I thought you weren't coming back. That before was the last time."

"Where were you?" Obi-Wan asked, ignoring the mockery in Xanatos's voice.

"Business," Xanatos replied simply, walking around the edge of the couch to sit next to Obi-Wan. That was the only explanation he would ever offer, he didn't tell Obi-Wan personal things. In the dark Jedi's mind, that could lead to unnecessary attachment. Besides, he didn't consider it any of Obi-Wan's business. "Where have _you_ been?"

Obi-Wan averted his multi-hued eyes as Xanatos ran his fingers down the boy's braid. "Just because I haven't come to see you doesn't mean that I've gone anywhere."

"So you were on a mission then."

Obi-Wan returned his gaze, glaring at the older man. He smacked his hand away. Xanatos's hands already knew more then they ever should have.

Xanatos smirked. "We both know that if you had been on Coruscant you would have come here."

"I'm sure that's what your ego wants you to think."

"There's no shame in having an ego when you actually deserve one."

"And that's your ego telling you that you deserve it."

Xanatos laid his hand on the side of Obi-Wan's neck, running his thumb up the front of the Jedi's throat. Obi-Wan tried not to shiver.

"Did you come here to fight with me?"

"…No," Obi-Wan confessed.

He leaned in closer. "Then why are we fighting?"

_People in love always fight._

"Because we hate each other," Obi-Wan said evenly.

"That must be it."

"Xanatos?" Obi-Wan said when the man started to lean in closer. "This really is the last time."

A smile tugged at the edge of Xanatos's mouth. "Of course it is."

As soon as the gap between them closed Obi-Wan remembered why he always came back. He knew that as soon as he was out those doors he would forget, but at least there was a reason. Xanatos's taste was intoxicating. Every time they kissed Obi-Wan's head spun. He understood what it must be like to be a spice addict. They knew that the drug was going to someday kill them, they knew how dangerous it was to use it, but they did it anyway. Why? Because they knew that it was better to die with that feeling in their veins then live without ever feeling it.

That's why he always went back.

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Obi-Wan disentangled himself from Xanatos's sleeping arms and crawled out of the bed, careful not to wake his lover while he searched for his clothes. As he stepped out of the bedroom he briefly glanced back to Xanatos's sleeping form, and wondered longingly if the man would miss his warmth during the night.

The air around him was crisp when he stepped outside. It was either very late or very early. The door whooshed behind him mockingly.

"I won't be back," Obi-Wan said to it.

But they both knew he was lying.

He would always come back.

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**A/N**: I wrote this while listening to Beethoven's "moonlight sonata." It's so beautiful. I remember the first time I heard it was at one of those piano concerts and I started crying. The people next to me must have thought I was insane. That song just moves me to tears though, it's just so sad…

Anyway, with these ficlets I'm not going to get into how Obi-Wan and Xanatos got together, because I really just want to focus on their relationship and what it is. I hope you enjoyed it, please review!


	2. Never Ends

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and Jedi Apprentice belongs to Jude Watson.

**Never Ends**

It always felt strange to shower at Xanatos's home. Foreign, almost, though he knew it just as well as his own quarters at the temple. Steam filled the glass box he was in, but the water cascading around him was relaxing. The biggest difference had to be that when he showered at the temple he felt completely clean; when he showered in Xanatos's washroom he felt like he only smelled clean.

He flipped the hot water off and slid open the door, the cool air assaulting him immediately. He shivered and grabbed a towel off the shelf. He knew it would be there, Xanatos kept everything immaculate. It almost made Obi-Wan want to spill his tea on the Alderaan rug and forget where his toothbrush goes. By accident, of course.

Rubbing the water droplets off his body he stepped out of the shower, unaware of the blunga dancing around his ankles. Another step sent him tripping towards the sink, his palm flying up and hitting the mirror, hard.

The glass splintering under his hand, and he could feel the chunks sliding under his skin. He glared at the creature by his feet.

Honestly, he had no clue why Xanatos had that thing; let alone where it came from. The Blunga was cute in a way, its pointed ears were larger then it's head, and two bright green eyes occupied the majority of its face. The four-legged creatures fur was a deep shade of purple, fur that, to Obi-Wan's shock, the creature never shed. It sat down and looked up at Obi-Wan curiously, tilting it's head to the side.

"I blame you for this," he said crossly, though he wasn't truly mad at the thing. It couldn't help but be annoying.

The blunga yapped at him in that high-pitched bark and sauntered into the shower, immediately licking the condensation off the walls.

Obi-Wan tentatively peeled his hand off the broken glass and grimaced. On his palm was a web of cuts, glass jutting out of random areas. He yanked off his towel and wrapped his hand up tightly.

_How the sith am I going to explain that to Qui-Gon?_

"_I'm sorry master, you see I was getting out of Xanatos's shower – by the way, I've been with him every time I went missing – and I tripped over his pet blunga and crashed into his mirror. But I'm sure it will heal soon."_

_Like that would go smoothly. _

Glancing up at the mirror, he grimaced again. It was completely broken; his blood was in the center of the break, tracing a small, cracked circle. Not only that, but his blood had dripped off his hand into the perfectly white sink.

I wonder which Xanatos is going to be angrier about: the broken mirror, the blood in the sink, or the blood now bleeding through one of his white towels.

Obi-Wan sighed, deciding that he needed to clean up his hand before he tried to clean up anything else. He opened the door to the first cabinet he saw. Empty. He opened up the second. Empty. The third, however, held a roll of bandages and a bottle of bacta. He pulled them both out, and something small and metallic clattered to the floor. He laid the supplies on the counter and picked up the small object.

His heart stopped beating for a moment. The metallic thing was a half-melted ring, completely broken on one end. He stood, still staring at the ring with morbid fascination and horror.

"My father's ring, I'm sure you've heard of it."

Obi-Wan jumped in shock, dropping the ring onto the countertop.

"The ring that you used…"

"To burn myself?" Xanatos touched the broken circle scar on his cheek. "Yes."

Light glinted off of the metal ring, and Obi-Wan couldn't help but stare at it. "Why keep it?"

"A reminder."

"Of hate? Wasn't the scar enough?"

Anger flashed across Xanatos's features. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"No," Obi-Wan said, angry as well. "No one could possibly understand you."

"That's right, wrap yourself up in Jedi delusions. If it makes you feel better to think I'm crazy, then go for it."

"When did I ever call you crazy?" Obi-Wan demanded.

"You're right, you didn't. That would be too honest for a Jedi."

Obi-Wan breathed in deeply through his nose, attempting to calm himself. _Getting angry won't help…_

Xanatos walked around Obi-Wan and lifted the blunga out of the shower, closing the door and placing the now annoyed creature on the floor.

"Let me see your hand," He ordered.

Obi-Wan immediately proffered his hand, unwrapping the towel.

"That was foolish," Xanatos commented, discarding the ruined towel. "That, I'm sure, only pushed the glass in deeper.

"Wonderful," Obi-Wan said sarcastically.

Pulling a pair of tweezers out of the cabinet Xanatos began the painstaking task of pulled glass chunks out of Obi-Wan's hand. Obi-Wan tried not to look.

"What are you going to tell him?"

Obi-Wan feigned innocence. "Tell who?"

"You know who."

"…I'm not sure yet. What can I tell him that will make it believable?"

"That you fell."

"He wouldn't believe that."

"I would."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "It's because of that stupid thing."

"Don't blame the blunga, he didn't do it on purpose."

"You don't know that," Obi-Wan turned to stare vehemently at the creature. It started to lick its paws.

Xanatos laid the tweezers on the sink, next to the mangled ring. He barely looked at it before he started applying bacta to Obi-Wan's hand. After a moment he started bandaging it.

"Doesn't having it here ever bother you?" Obi-Wan stared at the ring, which, in a way, was responsible for the turn Xanatos's life had taken.

"No."

"Your father died with it on. It would bring me pain every time I look at it."

"Funny, it only makes me angry," Xanatos finished bandaging the Jedi hand, but he didn't let go of it. "Does it bother you that I have it?"

Obi-Wan stared into Xanatos's cobalt blue eyes, trying to decide whether or not to answer. There was mockery there; Xanatos was baiting him.

Pulling his hand out of the older man's grasp, Obi-Wan waved it dismissively. "Do what you want."

Even after he said the words, he couldn't help but stare at the ring when he left the bathroom and started to dress. Obi-Wan also noticed the disappointment that flickered in those blue eyes with his words.

He loves to make me angry.

Obi-Wan latched his belt on and turned to say goodbye to Xanatos. When he did, something cold was pressed into his palm. He stared at it curiously.

"Take it," Xanatos said simply.

"What for?" Obi-Wan run his thumb along the edges of the ring.

"Because I'm asking you to."

He looked up suspiciously. "What if Qui-Gon finds it?"

Xanatos raised a mocking eyebrow. "He goes through your things often?"

Obi-Wan glared in response, then looked at the ring again, unsure of whether he _should_ take it. It was a representation of Xanatos's hate, and that was most certainly something that he did not want.

The circle that never ends; Qui-Gon has nightmares about this symbol.

But on the other hand, it was also a part of Xanatos. Is that why Xanatos had given it to him? As some sort of claim? He didn't want Xanatos to think that he had any loyalty to him, but it might be_ nice _to have something of Xanatos's with him all the time.

He closed his fist around it tightly. What was once hate could be love, whether that hate came in the form of a mutilated ring…

Or a connection between two people who were never meant to be, but were anyway.

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**A/N**: I totally made the blunga up, just so everyone knows. Also, I just realized that during the entire argument Obi-Wan had been standing there naked. Huh. Hope you enjoyed it, please review!


	3. Loyalty and Infidelity

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, and I'm not making a profit. It I did own Jedi Apprentice, Xanatos wouldn't have died, but alas…

**Loyalty and Infidelity**

It had become common for them, and they both accepted it. When Xanatos went on business trips, Obi-Wan waited for several days after his return before going to see him. This isn't something that the dark Jedi instigated because of exhaustion or lingering corporate affairs, this was all Obi-Wan's doing.

If Xanatos would just be more considerate, Obi-Wan was sure that the problem would be easily resolved. But the son of a bantha seemed to find Obi-Wan's irritation and anger _amusing_.

The problem was that, every time Xanatos returned from those so-called "trips," he had the lingering signatures' of others. Obi-Wan could feel strangers on his lover's skin and taste them in his mouth.

He _hated_ that.

He hated that he was putting his entire future on the line for this romance, if you could even call it that, and Xanatos was sleeping with other people.

What's worse, it made him _jealous_. He couldn't stand the idea of other's being intimate with Xanatos, _knowing_ him like Obi-Wan did.

So he didn't go see Xanatos until he knew that the traces of the man's promiscuity would be gone.

But sometimes, he had to make exceptions.

Qui-Gon told him that they'd be leaving for Manaan the next evening. He didn't know how long they'd be gone. It had already been three weeks since Xanatos had been home, and if Obi-Wan didn't see him that night, he thought he would go crazy.

_Maybe he didn't pick up any random beauties this time. Maybe he chose to be loyal._

_Yes, and maybe Yoda will decide to gain 2000 lbs and join the Hutts._

Obi-Wan was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of the door. He stood up to greet (and possibly shout at) Xanatos.

The older man strolled into his living room, dropping his travel case on the ground. The side of his mouth quirked slightly.

"I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms, intending to holdout. There were force signatures all over his skin.

And it maybe Obi-Wan _angry_.

"How was your trip?" Obi-Wan asked stiffly.

Xanatos continued to smile. "Enjoyable."

"Good," Obi-Wan said.

_I don't care how much I missed him. He obviously didn't miss me._

He stepped to the side and walked around Xanatos, heading for the door.

"What are you doing?" Xanatos asked, grabbing his arm.

"Leaving."

The smile didn't falter. "Why?"

"You're capricious and shallow," Obi-Wan replied flatly. "And I don't want to be anywhere near you."

He started to walk forward again, but Xanatos held fast to his arm.

"We both know you're not really leaving."

_Egoistical liar… Why can't I hate you?_

Obi-Wan jerked his arm free.

"You want company? Go pick up some Twi'lek or something up. You do it often enough when you're gone."

"Oh," Xanatos said innocently. "Is that what this is about? My lovers?"

_Why does hearing him call them that make me feel so sick?_

"I'm leaving," Obi-Wan said in response.

"Don't," Xanatos said, grabbing his arm again. "I'm sorry."

Obi-Wan didn't believe him. It might have been because the cheater was_ still _smiling.

"Go rot."

Xanatos sighed. "You're really angry?"

"What was your first clue?"

"You have no claim or say in who I sleep with."

"I never said I did."

"But you think you should," Xanatos raised an eyebrow.

"Well, since my entire future is being risked for a few fun nights I think that it'd be nice to have _some_ loyalty," Obi-Wan glared at him.

"I don't demand to know everyone that you're having sex with."

"That's different," Obi-Wan snapped impatiently. "I'm not having sex with anyone."

"Other then me."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Not tonight."

Xanatos sighed. He brushed the tip of his fingers against Obi-Wan's cheek.

"You know that this is as far as we'll get."

Obi-Wan stiffened. He knew, but hearing Xanatos say it made it seem more real.

"This will never be anything more then a lie to keep covered. You won't let it be."

"What am I suppose to do?" Obi-Wan demanded. "I'm a Jedi. This isn't supposed to be happening."

"But you _always_ come back."

"I can't help it," Obi-Wan replied honestly.

Xanatos watched him patiently as Obi-Wan struggled to find the right words.

"You just… look at me like that and I can't help but come back."

Lips brushed Obi-Wan's cheek. "Then what does it matter?"

"It does matter."

Xanatos sighed. "You're making this a bigger deal then it is."

Obi-Wan wanted to stomp his foot the way he did as a child when he didn't get his way. "I'm not making it into a big deal. I'm leaving for a mission tomorrow, I need to go home and sleep. Bye."

Once again, Obi-Wan tried to leave. Xanatos trailed behind him.

"You're going on a mission tomorrow?" He asked smoothly, those his words came out a little too fast.

Obi-Wan nodded, not looking at him.

"How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know."

Frustrated, Xanatos grabbed Obi-Wan's arm. "And you don't care that you haven't seen me in three weeks, and now you're leaving again?"

"_I _don't care?" Obi-Wan asked, his voice nearly in a yell.

Xanatos raised a hand in defeat. "I said that I was sorry."

"The point is that you're not sorry."

"But I am," Xanatos argued.

"You and I both know that the next time you go through any kind of sexual withdrawal you'll just pick up another random, morally-corrupt pedestrian, like you always do," Obi-Wan tried to step around him and failed.

"Well then, I'm not sorry for that. But I actually am sorry that I upset you."

Obi-Wan stopped to look at Xanatos, hoping that there would be some semblance of truth on his face.

"I don't believe you."

Exasperation appeared in Xanatos's eyes. He grabbed Obi-Wan's face between his hands and pulled the Jedi toward him. Their lips warmed each other's and their teeth clicked. When they finally broke apart Obi-Wan was gasping for air.

"So you attack me? That's your solution?" Obi-Wan asked, not really angry.

Xanatos ran his thumb down Obi-Wan's cheek. "I meant what I said."

Obi-Wan nodded, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle. It didn't matter whether Xanatos was lying or not. He wasn't going anywhere.

"You have to be patient with me," Xanatos said, so softly Obi-Wan barely caught it. The older man was staring at the floor in an extremely rare act of embarrassment. "I don't understand yet how this works; our boundaries and our rules."

A dry spot formed in Obi-Wan's throat.

_He's right. I can't try to control what he does because this isn't real. As long as I'm a Jedi and he's my master's enemy this will never be real. At least not real enough._

"I'm not asking you to keep forgiving me," Xanatos continued. "But forgive me at least this once, and then we'll talk when we have more time?"

"Alright," Obi-Wan agreed. It didn't matter if Xanatos wasn't asking him to forgive multiple times; Obi-Wan knew that he would forgive Xanatos's every transgression. However, it would all be futile.

Love doesn't need forgiveness.

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**A/N**: I can just see Xanatos as a man-whore. I hope that you enjoyed it, please review!


	4. Apathy is Easier than Empathy

**A/N**: So it took me forever to get this out, I know, but due to school I have like, no writing time other then articles for newspaper. It sucks. 

**Warning**: I don't know what's gotten into me, but this chappie is slightly more…. Sexually charge then any of my others. It's nothing too graphic, but there's a lot of openness and innuendoes. I really don't know why, but I wanted to be dirty today.

**Apathy Is Easier Then Empathy**

Reviewing the story in his mind, Obi-Wan still couldn't accept it. It was strange, it was irritating and infuriating, and he couldn't wrap his thoughts around it in a logical manner.

Familiar blue eyes continued to watch him curiously. "So you're a friend of my dad's?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan said. He was sure that he was scaring the child, the way he was staring at him, but he couldn't help it. The resemblance was eerie. "A friend."

"I don't know how long he'll be gone, but you can wait with me if you want."

Obi-Wan had intended to find Xanatos at his apartment that night, preferably alone, but instead he had walked in to find a young child.

_"Hi?" The boy, he couldn't have been more then nine, had said nervously. Obi-Wan couldn't blame him, if he was alone and a strange man walked in he'd be nervous too._

_"Hi," he had responded in confusion._

_They had stared at each other for several moments before the boy spoke again._

_"Who are you?" He had large blue eyes that Obi-Wan had seen many times, but this child had a different aura in his. An innocent one._

_"Obi-Wan Kenobi," The Jedi had answered. "What are you doing here?"_

The story that had followed put Obi-Wan into his present dumbfounded state.

"Alright, I'll wait with you," Obi-Wan said uncomfortably, sitting down next to the boy. He was driven to stay half by his need to confront Xanatos, and half by his curiosity with this boy who claimed to be his lover's illegitimate child. Besides, kids shouldn't be home alone on Coruscant, no matter the district.

"Do you like holovids?" The boy asked grabbing up his pack.

"I do," Obi-Wan replied. "Where are you usually? I haven't seen you here before."

"Telos. Look, I have the new one with Ghony Qiara."

Obi-Wan could see that he wasn't going to get many answers from him, and relented to watching holovids with unnecessary violence and actors he couldn't name. But the smiling boy knew enough for both of them, and Obi-Wan was content to just be the seemingly lonely child's companion.

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The door slid shut behind him, and Xanatos sauntered into the dark room. The only light in his sitting room came from the blue glow of a holovid; however, the glow outlined one more shape then he expected to see.

"Obi-Wan," He said, surprised.

The Jedi was lying sprawled across the rest couch, Xanatos's young child asleep on his chest. Obi-Wan was glaring up at him.

"I see that you've met my son," Xanatos said, smirking and lifting the boy off. "I also see that he took a liking to you."

"He's a good kid," Obi-Wan said. "Far too good to be left alone for hours at a time."

Xanatos shrugged and carried the boy to the guestroom, laying him down on the sleepcouch. He closed the door behind him and returned to the living room.

"I can't be expected to watch him all the time."

Obi-Wan felt his mouth drop open shock. "Did you really just say that? He's your son, and he lives on Telos, whereas you spend most of your time here. You should want to be around him, especially since, and of course, this is solely based on my assumption, but I doubt that you ever go out of your way to go see him."

Xanatos lifted an eyebrow and crossed his arms in indignation. "Then I should move to Telos to be with him all the time, is that what you think?"

Sighing, Obi-Wan glared at his lover. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Where does this insatiable need to twist what people say come from?"

"I wasn't twisting anything. You obviously think I need to spend more time with him, but once again that's just your preaching. I'm sure that you don't want to mess with him being here all the time, and you don't want me to go there. I know this because you and I have a similar problem: we're selfish."

"My entire life is devoted to helping others," Obi-Wan snapped.

"Yes, but rarely at your own expense. Is heroism still valiant when it's performed for personal gain?"

"Stop it," Obi-Wan ordered. "I'm not going to play your head games."

Xanatos smiled suggestively. "You know that you love my head games."

"And now you're trying to distract me," Obi-Wan accused.

"What are you really angry about?" Xanatos demanded. "That I'm not a good father, or is it that you're afraid there's someone on Telos more important to me then you?"

"He's your son, he's allowed to be important. He has more of a right then me."

Xanatos walked forward and cupped Obi-Wan's cheek, all the while smiling wickedly. "I wasn't talking about him, I was talking about his mother."

Obi-Wan felt his face redden. "That's not what this is about."

"Oh no? You wouldn't want me to go spend time with him on Telos because it would put me directly in the path of my ex-lover, and you know it."

"It just doesn't seem right," Obi-Wan said softly. "I think that he misses you."

Xanatos waved his hand dismissively. "He hardly knows me."

"And that's your excuse?" Obi-Wan scoffed. "It seems redundant with the problem."

"I'm trying to keep you happy here," Xanatos snapped.

Obi-Wan shook his head, but he leaned in close to Xanatos. "You're trying to keep you happy; you were right on one front, we are selfish. But you're a little worse then I am."

"Maybe," Xanatos smiled before closing the gap, pressing his lips against Obi-Wan's.

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Obi-Wan struggled to keep his eyes open as Xanatos's even breathing tried to pull him into sleep. His head was resting on the older man's bare chest, and his body heat tied with exhaustion from previous excursions was making Obi-Wan very tired.

"I've got to go," he mumbled sleepily, lifting himself on to his elbows.

"Stay," Xanatos ordered, pushing him back down. "You've still got time to get back to the temple before the great Qui-Gon Jinn notices your absence.

Obi-Wan didn't like the mockery and scorn in Xanatos's voice, but he complied anyway. There were just some things about the dark Jedi that he'd have to accept.

Xanatos mumbled incoherently, but Obi-Wan felt the vibrations in his chest.

"What was that?"

Sighing, Xanatos was staring at the wall when he answered. "I'll try to get him out here more. I need to be a better father."

Obi-Wan sat up, smiling triumphantly. "So what you're saying is, I was right?"

Xanatos rolled his eyes. "No."

Ignoring him, Obi-Wan pulled himself up so that he was propped on his elbows over Xanatos. "Which would make you… let's see… wrong."

"I never said that."

"But you implied it. Ow," Obi-Wan said the last part in protest to Xanatos's sudden tug on his Padawan braid.

"Keep it up," Xanatos threatened. "How will you explain having you braid yanked out to Qui-Gon?"

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Don't worry I've already practiced my 'I was being sweet and innocent and he took advantage of me' speech. Besides, you shouldn't test me. I know things about you that are better kept secret."

Xanatos raised an eyebrow. "I could just kill you."

"I don't think you've said that to me since I was thirteen. Oh the memories," Obi-Wan responded sarcastically. His eyes than drifted away from Xanatos's face. "Back then I never would have believed that I'd be here, with you, especially not like this."

Xanatos shrugged. "I would have."

"Really?" Obi-Wan asked skeptically.

The older man nodded solemnly. "The thought that I'd like to have you occurred to me back then, and when you were unconscious on Bandomeer…"

Obi-Wan hit his arm. "Stop being creepy."

"Desperation causes men to act irresponsibly," Xanatos finished through his laughter.

"I'll leave," Obi-Wan threatened.

"I didn't think I'd ever have you alone again, what was I supposed to do?"

Obi-Wan pulled away from Xanatos's grasp, but the dark Jedi grabbed him again. "I'm done, I promise."

Rolling his eyes, the young Jedi returned to his former position. "You just love to get under my skin."

"And you love to have me under your skin," Xanatos placed his hand on the back of Obi-Wan's neck and pulled him down so that their lips could meet. The kiss was soft and comforting, at least until Obi-Wan bit him.

"Sith!" Xanatos swore as he jerked his head away. He gingerly touched his bleeding lip. "What was that for?"

"That was for thirteen-year-old me."

"I didn't actually do anything!"

"I don't know that."

Xanatos glared at him. "I'm never kissing you again."

Obi-Wan laughed. "I'd like to see you attempt that. You have no self-control."

"I don't need self-control, we don't need kissing for sex."

"Okay, okay," Obi-Wan surrendered. "I shouldn't have bit you."

"I don't believe you," Xanatos said, clearly wanting Obi-Wan to take the apology further.

"I am sorry, see?" Obi-Wan bent down and licked the dripping blood off Xanatos's chin, then off his lower lip. He kissed him chastely. "You'll heal, no harm done."

Xanatos ran his hand down Obi-Wan's spine, making the younger man shiver. "I can think of something more useful you could do with that tongue."

"Really?" Obi-Wan asked innocently before starting to kiss Xanatos's neck. He was suddenly happy that he had decided to stay, and that he still had at least two hours before needing to head back to the temple.

"Daddy?"

The voice pulled Obi-Wan out of his lust-filled thoughts and he quickly detangled himself from Xanatos, grabbing the blanket off the end of the sleepcouch and pulling it up around him.

"I had a nightmare," the small voice confessed as he climbed on to the sleepcouch. The young child then looked at Obi-Wan. "Did you have a nightmare too?"

Obi-Wan glared at Xanatos as soon as he heard the stifled laughter. "You could say that," he told the boy.

"He's my new friend," the child told his father, pointing to Obi-Wan.

"I'm glad," Xanatos patted the now wide area in-between them.

Obi-Wan lay for another hour with them before he left. Being a Jedi met everything to him, but upon leaving the sleeping Xanatos, his arms wrapped around his son, he realized with a pang of heartache exactly what the lifestyle was forcing him to miss.

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**A/N**: I hope you guys liked it, please review!


	5. A Little Mark

**Disclaimer**: Star Wars/Jedi Apprentice is not mine. If it was mine then Xanatos would so still be alive and someone would have thrown Siri off a cliff. Sigh

**A/N**: This chappie is very short. I already have the next two ficlets for this planned out, so they should be up soon. Also, it's been brought to my attention that some people want Xan's PoV, so that's what this chappie is in. Enjoy!

**A Little Mark**

"How could you?" Obi-Wan demanded indignantly from the washroom.

Xanatos rolled his eyes, though his young lover could not see him. "It's not that bad."

"Maybe not for _you_, but for me it's awful! How am I going to explain _this_?"

Sighing, Xanatos rose to his feet and sauntered into the washroom. Obi-Wan was hovering in front of the mirror, a look of complete distraught on his face. Xanatos's studied the boy's reflection.

_It's not my fault that I'm just that good._

"That's got to be a trophy winning one."

Obi-Wan glared at the dark Jedi in the mirror. "You're a great help."

"People get them all the time."

"I _don't_."

Obi-Wan gingerly touched the purplish black bruise on the side of his neck. "I can't believe you," he snapped.

_What's so wrong with a man marking his territory?_

"You didn't exactly try and stop me."

"How was I to know the damage you were inflicting? I was a little… distracted."

"You loved it," Xanatos accused with a smile. He leaned down to kiss the bruise, but Obi-Wan pulled back.

"Figure out a way to get rid of it or you're never touching me again."

"Don't you think you're being a bit melodramatic?"

"_No_, what's Qui-Gon going to think?"

Anger flashed in Xanatos's eyes, and Obi-Wan visibly flinched.

Of course this has to do with Qui-Gon. Everything has to do with him. Unless we're making love it's all Obi-Wan thinks about.

"You think of a way," Xanatos snapped, turning and leaving the room.

He could feel Obi-Wan's eyes on his back, but he ignored them. _He can run back to his temple if he's so upset._

"Xanatos wait," Obi-Wan called softly.

Unconsciously the older man's steps slowed, and he felt Obi-Wan touch his arm carefully. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I know how much you hate it when I talk about him."

_No, you don't._

Xanatos turned and touched Obi-Wan's cheek. "I suppose you can't help what you obsess over."

"I'm hardly _obsessed_ with Qui-Gon. And what about you and your revenge?"

_If anything you've made that worse._

"That's different."

"Why, because it's you?"

"Must you pick fights?" Xanatos demanded.

Obi-Wan stared at him resolutely. "Why can't you just forget what Qui-Gon's done and move on with life?"

"You're the one standing still. You're so desperate to make him happy that you don't take a single step without his permission."

"That's not true, I'm here aren't I? Besides, why do you care?"

_Because I'm jealous._

"I don't," Xanatos waved his hand dismissively. "Do what you want."

Obi-Wan caught his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I don't think that's true."

_I'm insanely jealous._

Xanatos pulled Obi-Wan toward him and kissed him deeply, trying to convey what he couldn't say.

_I'm jealous because every time, every time you go back to the temple… and to him._

Obi-Wan broke the kiss and touched Xanatos's face.

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**A/N**: Please review, I hope you liked it!


	6. Malaise

Disclaimer: I wish I owned hot and steamy Xanatos/Obi-Wan love, but alas…

**Malaise **

"Xanatos?" Obi-Wan called carefully as he entered the other man's home.

No answer, which was strange because Obi-Wan knew he was there. He could feel him in the force.

"Xanatos?" He called again, heading towards the bedroom. It was late, and the ex-Jedi could be asleep.

Obi-Wan slid into the room and rolled his eyes at the lump beneath the sleepcouch covers.

"_Xanatos_," he said irritably. "I told you I was coming tonight."

The young Jedi crawled under the blanket next to his lover and nudged him. "Are you still asleep?"

"Get out of here," the lump responded gruffly.

Obi-Wan was a little taken aback. "What? Why? Did I do something?"

"I can't deal with you tonight," Xanatos rasped out.

"Deal with me?" Obi-Wan demanded. "What am I, your stupid pet blunga?"

He moved closer and laid his hands on Xanatos's chest. "And what's wrong with your voice? Are you sick?"

"No," Xanatos snapped, pushing Obi-Wan away. "I told you to leave."

Obi-Wan touched the older man's forehead carefully, and he immediately shoved the Jedi's hands away. But not before Obi-Wan felt the heat.

"You _are_ sick."

"Dammit, just leave me alone so I can sleep."

Obi-Wan shook his head and cuddled against Xanatos. "I came all this way, I might as well nurse you back to health." Obi-Wan traced some kisses on Xanatos's jaw before sucking on the fleshy part of his ear.

Xanatos groaned. "I'm really not up for _that_."

The young Jedi smiled at him. "All the more reason to get better quickly. Have you taken medicine?"

Sighing and pressing a hand to his forehead Xanatos shut his eyes. "I can't remember. I can't remember the last time I got out of bed, at least."

Obi-Wan frowned. "That's not a good sign."

Xanatos opened his eyes and scowled. "Are you going to take care of me or whine, brat?"

With a smile Obi-Wan kissed Xanatos's heated forehead. "I'll see what I can find in the way of medicine for a fever."

He started to climb out from under the covers, but Xanatos grabbed him and wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man.

"Wait, don't leave me yet."

Obi-Wan struggled against the tight embrace. "Xanatos, you're being ridiculous. I need to get you antibiotics."

"I don't want them, just lay with me."

"Xanatos…"

"You're _not_ leaving me again. Every time you come here you abandon me and go back _there_."

Obi-Wan eyes burned as he grasped Xanatos's meaning.

_I don't abandon you, I love you. _

"You know, sometimes I think that you won't come back," Xanatos smiled bitterly. "For all my talk, I'm always afraid that you'll change your mind when you get home. That you won't want to see me anymore. I've never been so terrified."

_Won't come back? How could he even think that?_ Obi-Wan wiped the rebellious tears off his face and leaned up, kissing Xanatos more forcefully than necessary.

"I'll _always_ come back."

Xanatos opened his eyes, and they were darkened with hate. "And then you go on those missions with _him_. That selfish prick. He can't – or won't – keep you safe. You return with bruises and cuts that you shouldn't have. How could he let that happen?"

Shuttering his blue eyes, the young Jedi sighed. "Even when you're sick you can't forget your hate. Those injuries are usually my fault, not Qui-Gon's."

"If he really loved you like his son he would never let you get hurt," Xanatos said fiercely. "I would commit suicide with my own lightsaber before I let those things happen to you."

For a moment Obi-Wan's voice caught in his throat. "I wouldn't want that."

"I would do it anyway." The dark Jedi closed his eyes in exhaustion. "At least wait until I fall asleep to leave."

Obi-Wan wrapped his arms tightly around his lover and laid his head on Xanatos's chest. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"Of course you didn't," his voice was growing groggy and slow, but he reached his hand up to fall on Obi-Wan's hair.

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It was a curious thing to wake up next to Xanatos still dressed. Obi-Wan stretched and hit a button next to the bed, blacking the window against the sun's glare. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he shook Xanatos gently.

"I'm awake," Xanatos grumbled.

Obi-Wan smiled. He sounded better. "I was just checking."

"Figured that you got lucky and I finally kicked it?"

"That's what I was hoping for."

Xanatos laughed, then coughed. "I feel like I actually am going to die."

Obi-Wan moved closer to him, to share body heat of course. "But at least you're coherent this morning. You wouldn't believe some of the things you said last night."

Suddenly feeling well Xanatos turned his sharp eyes on Obi-Wan. "Like what?" he demanded.

The apprentice shrugged with a knowing smile. "Nothing much."

Xanatos didn't seem convinced, but he let it slide. "You know, I'm feeling a _lot_ better."

"I knew that was coming," Obi-Wan said, holding back his laughter. "Can't you think about anything else?"

In response Xanatos pulled Obi-Wan down to kiss him.

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**A/N**: I haven't updated _Every You and Every Me_ in forever. I feel especially bad because I told you guys the next update would be ready soon. Oh well. Thanks for reading, please review!


	7. Always

**Always**

_What is wrong with me? Why is it that I somehow manage to ruin everything?_

Xanatos hung his head, bumping the wall in an uncharacteristically clumsy way. It barely registered in his mind.

_He doesn't deserve this._

Obi-Wan stood several feet behind him.

"You're overreacting."

The older man didn't answer because he couldn't decide who he was more angry with: himself for his own stupid actions, or Obi-Wan for not caring.

"_Talk_ to me Xanatos."

"Why?" He demanded. "Why would you want me to do that? Why are you even still here?"

Obi-Wan grabbed Xanatos's forearm pleadingly. "Why are _you _making such a big deal out of this?"

Narrowing his eyes the dark Jedi yanked his arm out of Obi-Wan's grasp.

"This _is_ a big deal," Xanatos extended his hand, reaching for Obi-Wan's bruised and battered lip, but he pulled back before actually touching the Jedi. "You should hate me."

"But I don't," Obi-Wan said quickly, seizing the same hand that had struck him earlier and kissing the knuckles. "I don't even blame you. You're drunk and you didn't mean to…"

"Don't make excuses for me!" Xanatos shouted, immediately silencing his lover. "I'm not worth your excuses."

"Now I know that you're really drunk." The side of Obi-Wan's mouth quirked slightly.

"This isn't a joke."

"Oh Xanatos," the younger man said, his voice treacherously sad. "The emotional trauma lies with you, not me. You're worth every excuse I could think of. Anyway, I knew that you had been drinking the minute I walked in, and I baited you into anger anyway."

"You should be able to bait me without this happening," Xanatos waved his hand, indicating Obi-Wan's injury.

"But I _understand_." Before Xanatos knew what was happening Obi-Wan had moved forward and wrapped his arms around the other man, laying his head on Xanatos's shoulder.

Something inside Xanatos tore violently and he shoved Obi-Wan away. The Jedi stumbled back into the wall and stared at his lover in shock.

"Get out," Xanatos said in a broken voice.

"What?" Obi-Wan asked. "You're not serious."

"Leave," Xanatos said, his voice eerily calm. "Go back to your temple, and don't come here again."

_It's better this way._

Obi-Wan shook his head. "You're not throwing away what we've worked so hard to preserve over this."

Xanatos laughed bitterly. "You talk as if this will damage us in some way. It won't, Obi-Wan. Tomorrow neither of us will care. A year from now we won't even remember."

_Except in our dreams._

"That's not true!" Obi-Wan snapped.

Turning his back on the younger man Xanatos walked toward the window. It was nighttime, but Coruscant was lit up brightly. He didn't see any people on the streets, just faceless hovercrafts.

"It is for me."

Obi-Wan was silent for several moments as he struggled with his words.

"You're lying." But he didn't sound convinced.

"You know that I'm right," Xanatos didn't bother to turn around. He couldn't look at Obi-Wan, or at least he didn't trust himself to. "Let's just call this what it is and go back to the way our lives are supposed to be."

"And how do you know that this isn't the way our lives are supposed to be?"

Xanatos smiled, though Obi-Wan couldn't see him. "Because life isn't supposed to be this hard."

The room fell silent, then the doors whooshed open and footsteps quietly left the room. Reaching out the dark Jedi braced his suddenly shaking body against the wall.

_He's gone. _

Terrified and relieved at the same time Xanatos sucked in a shuddering breath, waiting for the ripping feeling in his chest to ebb.

The shaking turned to dizziness, and Xanatos stumbled to his sleepcouch. He fell unsteadily on to the soft cushion, and gripped the covers tightly in his fists. They smelled like Obi-Wan; like his skin, like his hair, every intoxicating scent imaginable about the boy was caught in that cloth. A part of him wanted to burn the blankets, but a contradictory part wanted to wrap them around him and not move until he forgot everything.

_I can't forget everything. But I'm right about this; I haven't been wrong yet._

Xanatos pulled the cover toward him, pressing it against his nose and inhaling the comforting scent.

_It won't last forever. And it's not fair._

_But my life has never been fair._

The sleepcouch shifted under new weight, and soft hands brushed stray hairs off of Xanatos's forehead. A warm mug pressed against his clenched hand.

"Drink this," a voice said softly. "You need to sober up."

"Obi-Wan?" Xanatos said, though he didn't know who else it could possibly be. "You're still here."

"Of course."

Of course. It sounded so absurd, but so completely logical at the same time.

"You didn't leave when I told you to."

"I don't believe anything you say when you're drunk. Tell me when you're actually coherent and I'll leave," he paused for a moment. "But then again, maybe I won't."

Xanatos took the hot cup from Obi-Wan and drank it gratefully. The heat felt strange on his tongue after all those cool drinks, but he could feel his head clearing.

"You're a masochist, you realize that, correct?"

"How so?"

"I hit you and you're still taking care of me," Xanatos laid the cup on the nightstand and rolled over so he could face Obi-Wan. "I gave you a chance to leave without any guilt, and you didn't. Things are only going to get worse, you know."

Obi-Wan was thoughtful for a moment. "Actually, I don't think that I'm a masochist, I think that you're a pessimist. Just because something bad happened today doesn't mean that something worse will happen tomorrow. And even if it does, that doesn't mean that the pattern will continue. We can only take life one step at a time."

"And unfortunately you can't walk and drink at the same time."

The younger man glared at him. "I can so. And anyway, you're the one stumbling here."

"Only because you're worse on my mental health than spice."

Laying down next to his lover Obi-Wan laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment."

Xanatos scoffed. "Yeah it's fun and games for _you_."

"You think so?" Obi-Wan's eyes darkened a little. "My entire career is in jeopardy just being here Xanatos. This is hard for me to, maybe even harder. I don't have the privilege of being able to do whatever I want whenever I want like you do."

"Okay, alright," Xanatos said, rolling so that he was hovering over Obi-Wan, arms on either side of the boy's head. "Truce?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Always."

_Always. One word shouldn't be that affecting._

Xanatos buried his head between Obi-Wan's shoulder and neck to hide the emotions on his face.

"I just want you to remember," Xanatos said, his breath tickling Obi-Wan's throat. "I tried to release you."

Obi-Wan shifted his body, forcing Xanatos to move so that the Jedi could see him.

"I don't need to remember that; it doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere. Not now, not ever."

_Always._

It really wasn't fair to him, Xanatos knew that. He knew that Obi-Wan placed too much trust in him, and that he couldn't be expected to not hurt him again. Despite all his bravado Xanatos didn't give himself enough credit with something as fragile as their relationship. It was a fine piece of art that wouldn't last long unless cared for extensively.

"What are you thinking about?" Obi-Wan asked, studying Xanatos's face.

"You," Xanatos shrugged. "That's been happening a lot recently."

"Good things, I hope."

Xanatos bent down and kissed Obi-Wan's damaged lip.

"Always."

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A/N: I hope you guys liked it, please review! And I know what you're thinking, why is she working on the ficlets when we still don't have chapter 5? It'll be up soon, I promise! This chapter is being kind of a pain because of stupid Gannen and Obi-Wan's date. It keeps coming out weird. Anyway, let me know what you guys think!


	8. Acceptance

**Acceptance **

Obi-Wan slowed his pace and tried to calm his racing heart as he entered the temple. He was out all night with Xanatos, and he had lost track of time. It was careless, and it could lead to questions.

Questions that could end… uncomfortably.

His steps were soft and controlled, and as he entered his chambers he felt peaceful. He hadn't been caught.

"I was wondering when you'd be back."

Obi-Wan froze, but his heart sped up. "Qui-Gon, have you been waiting up for me?"

Qui-Gon stepped away from the wall. "I have. It's strange, for a very long time you've been coming back later and later in the night, and now you don't even return until most have finished breakfast. I wonder where you go."

It wasn't a question or a demand, so Obi-Wan did not answer, he just watched his master.

_Perhaps I should tell him. Maybe this… affair has already outlived itself. Maybe it's time to let go._

Qui-Gon studied him, and Obi-Wan imagined the way Xanatos looked at him when he was trying to figure the young Jedi out. The way that would make Obi-Wan smile, and Xanatos furious. It was so easy to make his lover angry, but sometimes Obi-Wan wondered if all that hatred and fury was just for show.

If he hid behind it.

There was so much potential for good and love in him, no matter how much Xanatos denied it.

"I feel like I'm losing you."

Obi-Wan realized then that he had started to smile, and quickly stopped himself. "You're not losing me, I'm still your apprentice. I still need your guidance."

Qui-Gon himself smiled, but it was almost bitter. "How much of you means that, and how much of you just feels that you should? I know that you're still my apprentice. When we go on missions you're dutiful and you work hard. But when we're on Coruscant you seem… distracted. As if there's something here that holds more of your attention. As if something here matters to you more than becoming a Jedi."

Obi-Wan started. "But master, you know that being a Jedi is the most important thing in my life. It's everything that I've strived for."

"But is that what you truly feel, or what you think you should feel?"

"I do not understand," Obi-Wan shook his head in confusion. "I love Coruscant, so I spend my nights out, walking through the streets and exploring. What have I done wrong?"

_I'm lying to him. The person who decided to teach me everything that he knows, to share his knowledge and skill with me. The man who has been like my father. I'm lying to him for his enemy. For someone I'm not even sure if I could trust to do the same for me._

"I just don't know what to do," Qui-Gon sighed. "I don't even really know what's wrong. But you're distant, and you're hiding something."

_I don't even know if he loves me._

_Maybe it really _is_ time. I've said it before, I've promised myself that I wouldn't go back, but perhaps I'm strong enough now._

_It's time to let him go._

"If you don't let me help you then I don't know what to do," Qui-Gon continued. "Whatever is wrong, I'll be there for you if you want me to be."

_If I want._

A revelation shook Obi-Wan to his core.

_What I want is Xanatos._

_I'm not ready to let him go, and I'm not going to stop seeing him._

The young Jedi bit his tongue to keep from laughing and rested his head in his hands. He was suddenly washed with a profound sense of relief that he had never felt before. A feeling of utter freedom and contentment.

In all the time that passed he had allowed his relationship with Xanatos to lay heavy on his shoulders like a burden. He had allowed it to weigh him down and bring him nothing but suffering.

Acceptance felt good.

_I may not be able to trust him, but I can at least acknowledge my own desire. I can balance both my wants._

Obi-Wan looked up at his master. "Everything is fine Qui-Gon."

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**A/N**: (crawls out of hole) So, contrary to popular belief I am not, in fact, dead, just on a small hiatus. I'm sorry about the long wait for _Shattered Love_, and I especially apologize to all you Xanatos/Obi-Wan junkies, I know how hard it is to get your fix. I'll try to get the new chappie up within the next week, but I can't promise anything. But I'll work really hard! I hope you enjoyed the ficlet, please review.


	9. Esse Quam Videre

Disclaimer: I don't own Jedi Apprentice.

**Esse Quam Videre: To Be Rather Than To Seem**

"What kind of a Jedi is he?" Obi-Wan demanded, slamming his cup down on the table.

Xanatos raised an eyebrow. "From what you've told me, the normal kind."

Obi-Wan glared at him pointedly. "That is _not_ helpful."

"If he bothers you that much just kill him."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms indignantly. "Thanks a lot."

"What?" Xanatos picked up his own cup and took a drink from it. "You came here for advice, how am I to blame if you don't like what I have to give?"

"You're not even trying," Obi-Wan argued in a frustrated voice. "I'm too old to have another Jedi as a rival."

"Time to move on to non-Jedi rivals?"

"Shut it," the teenager ordered, lifting his cup again. He swirled the drink in his hand and watched the liquid splash.

"I don't see what the problem is, you killed the last one."

Obi-Wan flinched visibly at Xanatos's cold remark.

His lover nodded, satisified with the response. "I see."

"No one's made me this angry since Bruck. Except maybe you," Obi-Wan smiled at him weakly.

_So that's what this is about. The other boy at the temple is insignificant… except that he brings back painful memories._

Xanatos ignored Obi-Wan's pathetic attempt at a joke and leaned closer to him. "You're still blaming yourself."

The corner of Obi-Wan's mouth lifted bitterly. "I was the one fighting him."

"But you didn't push him off the cliff."

"No… I just didn't save him."

"It wasn't your job to save him," Xanatos leaned back in his chair. "If you're going to mad at anyone shouldn't it be me? I am the one who caused all his problems in the first place."

"Don't flatter yourself, Bruck had issues before you."

"Perhaps," Xanatos said with a shrug. "But maybe they never would have manifested if I hadn't encouraged them."

"You don't sound sorry."

He sipped his drink in an arrogant, uniquely Xanatos way. "What's done is done."

Frustration flitted across Obi-Wan's face. "But that doesn't make it okay. That doesn't mean that you can't be sorry."

"There is no point in dwelling, you can only move on. Isn't that what the Jedi say?"

"You twist our maxims," Obi-Wan pushed away from the table and stood, pacing across the room. "Haven't you ever felt guilty about anything? Anything at all?"

Xanatos didn't answer, but continued to watch Obi-Wan through his startling blue eyes.

"Don't stare at me like that," the young Jedi snapped.

"Like what?" Xanatos lifted an eyebrow.

"Like I'm a child," Obi-Wan's voice cracked slightly and he bit his lip.

The corner of Xanatos's mouth lifted in a smirk and he stood. "How would you have me look at you?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Always with your games."

The older man brushed his lips across Obi-Wan's cheekbone. "What's the point of your foolish order if you're consumed by guilt?"

"Maybe that is the point," Obi-Wan defended, ignoring Xanatos's caresses. "There is nothing to be gained from the wanton destruction of life."

"Are you sure? Have you ever experimented with that?"

"No," the young Jedi snapped. "And I don't intend to. I'm not like you Xanatos, I can't be okay with these things. I can't put myself first."

The dark Jedi leaned away from his lover, his eyes cynical. "Is that what I do? Just because I can see the corruption in the Jedi and the faults in the Senate and want to do something about them I'm selfish? You might recall that I've put you first on several occasions."

"You know very well," Obi-Wan said darkly. "The things you do are not done for democracy or justice, but revenge and ambition."

"Well," Xanatos returned to his seat and took a drink. "I'm happy that you know me so well. If I'm so horrible then what are you still doing here?"

Obi-Wan started, and he and Xanatos stared at each other in silence.

"I wish I knew," he said finally.

"Maybe you do," Xanatos offered. "And you refuse to admit it."

"How do we manage this?" The teenager asked, clearly desperate to change the subject.

"Manage what?"

"Go from having a perfectly pleasant conversation to a fight," Obi-Wan shook his head. "It's ridiculous."

"I suppose it's our way," Xanatos rose once again.

"Do you think that there will ever be a time when we don't fight?" Obi-Wan's eyes followed Xanatos's movements carefully.

"Would we still enjoy this if that time ever came?" His mouth twisted in a wry smile.

"Probably not," Obi-Wan eliminated the distance and pressed his lips against that smirk. His lover pushed into the kiss fiercely and passionately, the same way he handles everything around him.

Xanatos pulled away and ran his lips up Obi-Wan's jaw line and then down the side of his neck.

"Don't worry about the other Padawan," he said, every breath tickling Obi-Wan's skin and making him flush. "He's irrelevant, he's not even worth worrying about."

The younger man swallowed to steady himself before answering. "That's not the way Jedi think."

"But it's more useful than anything Qui-Gon would give you," Xanatos ran his teeth along Obi-Wan's lower lip. "What I always give you is so much better than anything he ever has."

Obi-Wan slid his hands inside Xanatos's tunic. "So now you want to fight about Qui-Gon?"

The dark Jedi smiled as he pushed Obi-Wan against a wall. He braced his hands on either side of the boy's head before answering. "I have a better idea.'

Obi-Wan already knew that; Xanatos's bare skin beneath his hands felt heated and his heartbeat raced. He pushed the tunic open and kissed his lover's chest, relishing the taste of the salt on his mouth. When he moved back Xanatos pressed his forehead against his.

"We fight, but we still seem to enjoy this."

"Lust?" Obi-Wan offered a little breathlessly.

The corner of Xanatos's mouth lifted.

"Maybe."

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**A/N**: So… I still haven't updated _Shattered Love_. I'm going to I promise! Hopefully the sweaty make-out scene makes up for my tardiness. Please review!


	10. Bleeding For You

Disclaimer: I'm presently keeping Obi-Wan and Xanatos locked in my closet, but I still don't own them.

**A/N**: This is dedicated to and written for my good friend Child of a Pineapple. Sorry it took so long.

**Bleeding For You**

Obi-Wan sighed as the doors slid open.

Xanatos was like the drug Obi-Wan could never quite get his fix on. A drug that slowly escalated until you were taking more than the healthy dosage, a drug that left you in fits when you couldn't have it; the bad kind of drug, if there was any other, but the kind that Obi-Wan didn't intend to quit soon, or ever if he could help it.

The penthouse was dark, but Obi-Wan knew the path to the switch easily enough. Xanatos was home, but he hadn't come to greet him.

That was strange.

Obi-Wan ran his hand across the wall until it brushed over a button. He pressed it, but the light didn't turn on.

That was strange too.

He tried the switch one last time before turning to find Xanatos. He took two steps, tripped and fell over something soft. His knee hit the floor with a painful thud and his foot squished into a familiar substance. He slid a few inches while biting back a retched gag.

He knew that smell, why hadn't he noticed it before?

"Xanatos!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, his voice sounding weak and pathetic in his own ears.

The body didn't respond.

Obi-Wan fell to his knees and shook a limp shoulder in desperation. There was no movement from the man, but it didn't matter anymore. The young Jedi sighed in relief.

It wasn't Xanatos, the build was all wrong.

There was still danger; Obi-Wan didn't know who the man was or what had happened to him. And he certainly didn't know if he himself was safe.

He proceeded slowly into his lover's home, each step measured and cautious. An eerie silence hung like a cloud in the penthouse, heavy with dread and unheard threats.

"Xanatos?" Obi-Wan called once more, this time with trepidation. "Are you there?"

A harsh cough nearly made him jump. "Obi-Wan?" A raspy voice asked from across the room.

The boy lost all caution and ran toward the voice. The room was dark, but Obi-Wan could make out Xanatos's shape on the floor. He was sitting in a slouched position. An injured position.

Obi-Wan knelt beside him immediately and cradled the other man's head in his hands. "What happened? Where are you hurt? Who is that man?"

Xanatos coughed again, and Obi-Wan felt blood splatter on to his hands. "I don't know who he is, but they were waiting for me."

His lover's voice was weak. "They?" Obi-Wan demanded. He stood and moved to a different wall where the storage space was. There was a med kit in there.

"The dead man in the entry," Xanatos said after a pause. "There's another body inside my quarters, and another body just outside them."

Obi-Wan laid the kit down. "Where are you hurt the most?"

"I have a chest wound," Xanatos said. "I think there's something stuck. And I can't move my right arm."

Obi-Wan moved to inspect the chest wound first. He had already noticed the arm, and how it hung loosely and out of place at Xanatos's side. It was guaranteed to hurt, but there was no bleeding that needed control. The dislocated arm wouldn't kill him.

"For a moment I thought the dead man was you," Obi-Wan said, his voice cracking slightly as he shined light on Xanatos's chest.

Xanatos didn't answer; he had leant his head back to rest on the wall and shut his eyes.

"Stay with me," Obi-Wan pleaded. His hands were shaking as they pulled off Xanatos's ripped tunic to inspect the injury.

The young Jedi hesitated a fraction longer than usual. "What is _that_?"

"What does it look like?" Xanatos asked.

If Obi-Wan wasn't so sure that the pain was unbearable he would have thought Xanatos sounded amused.

"It looks like the handle of a vibroblade."

"Well, there's your answer."

Obi-Wan glanced at him questioningly.

His lover sighed. "The first man to come in attacked me with a blaster, and he was quickly dealt with. The second man had a vibroblade, which I sliced cleanly using my lightsaber; however, he was not above improvising. The end that had touched my lightsaber's blade was hot, and tore through my flesh easily. In the shock of pain I dropped my weapon.

"That's why there's so much blood, you see. I didn't know where my lightsaber had gone, so I killed them with a still blade antique I have. Very barbaric, very messy, but efficient enough."

Efficient. What a word for death.

Obi-Wan studied the vibroblade handle. "I'm not sure how I can safely remove it."

"Then just remove it."

The young Jedi flinched. "I don't want to… damage you beyond the injuries you've already sustained."

Xanatos coughed, blood painted his lips. "It's a little late for that."

An icy tendril slid down Obi-Wan's spine. "You're not going to die."

"Not now, but I was."

Not completely understanding what he meant Obi-Wan turned his attention to the wound. It wasn't as deep as he'd first perceived, in fact not very deep at all. It was more Xanatos's gut than chest, and it fell just below his ribcage. If Obi-Wan's guess was correct then it hadn't damaged any organs.

"I can only think to just… pull it out," he glanced at Xanatos.

The other man had his eyes shut and he looked paler than usual. "Let's get it over with."

Obi-Wan reached out for serenity; he wasn't trained for severe injuries, but he had no other choice. It was this or take Xanatos to a medcenter, which would surely raise some nasty questions from the Jedi council. He gripped the hilt carefully and braced his legs against the floor. He glanced at Xanatos briefly before, with a sickening nausea in his stomach, he pulled hard.

There was a sucking, tearing sound as the flesh around the handle gave a little. If Xanatos had had less reserve he would have shouted, Obi-Wan knew. Instead he just groaned. The sound was so desolate and lonely that it wrecked Obi-Wan's composure more than any scream would have.

Biting his lip he pulled again, and the hilt fell free. Obi-Wan caught his balance and immediately pushed against the wound to stop the abundant blood flow. He compressed a ball of gauze against the gaping hole and leaned closer to Xanatos to make applying pressure easier.

Xanatos spoke, his lips now only an inch from Obi-Wan's ear. "I'm glad you came."

Obi-Wan scoffed. "You'd better be."

The corner of his lover's mouth lifted. "I'd rather have you patch me up than some med droid."

The young Jedi tossed the ball of gauze aside and applied another, this one with bacta on it. He slowly wrapped long, thin strips of the gauze around Xanatos's abdomen, careful of the damaged arm. His cheek brushed the older man's as he leant forward to wind the gauze.

He tied the bandage off before pressing his lips to Xanatos's, briefly and gently. "Now your arm. It's dislocated, can you move forward for me?" Obi-Wan hadn't leant back, so with every word his lips brushed against his lover's. He moved quickly and straddled Xanatos's legs, gripping the front of his upper-arm with one hand and the back with the other.

Xanatos glared at Obi-Wan. "I hardly think now is he time."

Obi-Wan lifted an eyebrow, a movement he had picked up from the very man that now seemed affronted with him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm in a lot of pain, and your teasing isn't appreciated."

Despite his complaint Xanatos pressed his lips to the side of Obi-Wan's neck and ran his tongue up the blue vein placed there. "It's very mean of you, you know."

Obi-Wan groaned and moved as far out of Xanatos's reach as he could manage without actually letting go. "I was trying to hold you still to pop your arm back in place _Xanatos_." The boy said his name like it was a scold.

Xanatos smirked, obviously quite able to ignore the pain he was feeling. "So you climb on top of me?"

The young Jedi sighed, tired of his lover's mocking and angry that he had allowed himself to be hurt that seriously in the first place. He gripped Xanatos's dislocated arm tightly and, without warning, jerked forward.

The arm moved back in place with a sickening pop, and this time Xanatos did cry out. It was brief, but enough to make Obi-Wan feel bad for not cautioning him.

He quickly leaned forward and kissed Xanatos's lips to stave off any angry remarks that might be coming. "I'm sorry," he said when he pulled away.

"Now _that_ was mean."

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan repeated, climbing off Xanatos and helping him up with his good arm.

Xanatos grumbled something that sounded like a string of nasty names, but the boy ignored them and led his lover to the sleepcouch. They distastefully kicked aside a couple of bodies, but both were too exhausted to care.

Obi-Wan gently pushed Xanatos on to the sleepcouch and crawled in next to him. "Who do you think sent them?"

Xanatos shrugged as best he could with one shoulder. "Any number of people. I'll identify the bodies tomorrow, which should help. But then again, I'll need my arm to do that, which you may have rendered useless."

The teenager shoved Xanatos's good shoulder. "It had to be done, you're just mad that I didn't warn you so you couldn't keep your perfect composure."

The older man's eyes narrowed. "If you hadn't been so bent on _distracting_ me then maybe I wouldn't have needed any warning."

Obi-Wan sighed in frustration. "I wasn't trying to distract you!"

"Oh no?" a mischievous grin flitted across his face. "You love to make me sweat in the worst possible situations."

"Make you sweat?" Obi-Wan demanded indignantly.

"Like out there," Xanatos tilted his head toward the main room. "Crawling on me, the kisses, it didn't matter that my arm wasn't in it's proper place or I had a vibroblade hilt jammed in me."

The young Jedi shook his head, clearly irate. "I was trying to put your arm back and make you feel _better_."

"It worked," Xanatos's good arm traced the outline of Obi-Wan's lips before the teenager smacked his hand away.

"Now who's picking a bad time?"

"Neither of us is bleeding at the moment, so now's a better time than before."

"Except I'm _angry_ with you."

The dark Jedi's eyes were speckled with lust. "I can fix that."

"You're still hurt very badly Xanatos, the bacta doesn't work _that_ quickly." As Obi-Wan spoke the older man had gripped his left hand and begin to kiss the inside of his wrist. The boy pulled out of his grasp before he could leave a _very_ conspicuous mark. "_Enough_."

"I'm more than capable of judging how fit I am," Xanatos argued, true irritation on his face now. "And when did you learn how to say '_no_'?"

Obi-Wan glared at him. "I've always known, you've just never listened."

"You might have known _how_ to say no, but you've never actually said it," Xanatos accused.

"Maybe not," Obi-Wan agreed reluctantly. "But I'm saying it now. _You_ need to rest."

Xanatos sat up with a slight wince and ran his lips up Obi-Wan's jaw in that way he loved. "I know you want me."

The teenager smiled. "That doesn't change anything. Besides, you're too injured to be all that much fun anyway."

The dark Jedi laid back down with a frustrated groan. "Have it your way, but now I'm just… _uncomfortable_."

Obi-Wan lay down next to him, hiding his grin. "Think about the Jedi council, I'm sure it will go away."

Xanatos laughed so rarely that Obi-Wan was startled when he did. "That's guaranteed to work."

The young Jedi nestled his head against Xanatos's chest. "I know you're mad at me, but for what it's worth, I'm glad you're not dead."

His lover scoffed. "Only because you have no hope of finding a better lay anywhere in the galaxy."

Obi-Wan considered objecting, but decided against it. Xanatos was only willing to accept or give out sentiments of love when he was drunk or sick, and Obi-Wan didn't feel like getting kicked out of the apartment that particular night. So instead he allowed the even rhythm of Xanatos's breathing to lull him to sleep.

The older man ran his hand across the short crop of Obi-Wan's hair when he was sure the boy was asleep and finally allowed himself to relax. He could handle all the assassins his enemies had if Obi-Wan was going to be there to patch him up every time.

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**A/N**: So I hope that you guys enjoyed this, and I'll try to get the new chappie of _Shattered Love_ up really soon, my goal is Saturday, but don't hold me to it. Please review!


	11. The Unfortunate Day I Was Born

**The Unfortunate Day I Was Born**

"I don't think your shower is big enough for this."

Xanatos glared at him. "I was here first."

With a laugh Obi-Wan tossed soap at him. "It's been almost a month; can you honestly say you're not happy to see me at _all_?"

"Easily."

His smile faded. "Nice Xanatos, do you know how hard I worked to get back here in time for this?"

With a sense of dread, Xanatos proceeded to the verbal trap. "…Back for what?"

Blue, mischievous eyes narrowed. "I know what today is."

Without another word Xanatos yanked the door open and stepped out of the shower. Obi-Wan shivered at the rush of cool air, but his lover didn't react to it at all. He just grabbed a towel and left the washroom with an icy silence that shattered Obi-Wan's excited mood.

"Xanatos!" Obi-Wan snapped, even though the other man was well out of the room. The young Jedi followed suit and found his bipolar companion in the living area.

"You vanished right after returning from a mission; Qui-Gon will be concerned, you should probably head back to the temple before he comes looking for you."

Obi-Wan froze. "You want me to leave?"

"Yes," he responded without hesitation.

"Why?" the teenager demanded.

Xanatos was on his feet instantly. "I don't have to have a reason, and I certainly don't have to explain myself to _you_."

"This isn't fair, I haven't done anything wrong. I thought you'd be happy I was here for your birthday."

"Get dressed and get out," he practically hissed. "For that matter, don't come back again."

"Talk to me!" Obi-Wan shouted. "You're being an irrational child, how dare you…"

"You can't possibly be this thick," Xanatos grabbed the boy's arm roughly. "I told you to leave."

The young Jedi's eyes were wide with shock. "I've heard of people not wanting to celebrate their birthdays, but don't you think you're overreacting?"

"You have no idea what today really is."

"Then tell me," he pleaded.

"It's not your business."

"But I care about you Xanatos, it _is_ my business."

The older man looked like he was about to be crushed by unexplainable grief. Obi-Wan didn't know what to say or do.

Xanatos's cobalt eyes hollowed out. "12 years ago today Qui-Gon murdered my father."

"…What?"

"It was my birthday," he shrugged, snatching back his cool demeanor. "It doesn't matter."

Obi-Wan placed his hand on Xanatos's cheek. "Apparently it does."

"What do you know about loss?"

"I know a lot," the teenager leaned forward and pressed his lips against Xanatos's. "More than you give me credit for."

Xanatos pressed into the kiss desperately. "Don't leave."

"I wasn't going to. It will take a lot more than you raising your voice to get rid of me."

Xanatos sighed in a way that Obi-Wan didn't recognize. It was almost content.

"Are you glad I'm here?"

He smirked in reply. "Well having you come to me is convenient. It's like a delivery service."

Obi-Wan laughed. "Wanna know what else is convenient?"

"What?"

"We're already naked."

* * *

**A/N**: Hey guys! I have returned to you and I have set a date for the posting of _Broken Love_, the last of the trilogy. I will post the first chapter on Nov. 14. I know that seems far away, but it will go by quickly. I'm writing in advance so that I can have a new chapter for you guys every two weeks on the dot, I don't want those once a month, random updates like I did with _Shattered Love_. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this little diddy. Please review!


	12. Is It So Wrong?

**Is It So Wrong?**

"Offworld has grown beyond what even I anticipated," Xanatos commented, almost in awe. "You wouldn't believe the number of planets we now have under our control, the breadth of our power. I thought that my goals were endless, but they were just beginning." He swallowed the remaining ale in his glass. "Who knows what I'll do."

He turned to take in the teenage boy sprawled on his sleepcouch, his arm and hand propping up his head.

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said, turning lazy eyes in Xanatos's direction. "Were you speaking to me? I can never tell if you want a response or are just monologuing."

The older man narrowed his eyes. "I don't talk for my health."

"Well _I_ know that, but I wasn't sure if _you_ did."

Xanatos raised a single eyebrow, but couldn't summon up an appropriate amount of irritation. He found that when Obi-Wan was lying naked across his bed his patience was infinite.

He placed his now empty glass on the nightstand and climbed next to the boy. He leaned in close and Obi-Wan went still. Xanatos was positive he had stopped breathing when he licked the inside of his ear and in the same movement trailed a series of kisses down the sensitive side of his throat. Suddenly the Jedi wasn't so cocky. After all that time Obi-Wan was still so damn _innocent_.

An unexpected wave of desire rolled through Xanatos. "Would you like to come to Telos with me?"

And the spell was broken. Obi-Wan didn't so much pull from his lover's embrace as jump from it.

"No I would _not_ like to go to Telos with you. Have you completely lost it?"

_Huh. Maybe I have._

"It's not impossible you know. Jedi occasionally take breaks from Coruscant. Tell Qui-Gon that you feel drained, and are going to Naboo to relax beside a lake for a couple of weeks. He'll understand."

"Xanatos," Obi-Wan looked aghast. "That would be a _lie_."

If the older man was the kind of person to burst out laughing, he would have. "You lie to him everyday."

Obi-Wan flinched visibly, looking more stung than if Xanatos had struck him. While the ex-Jedi took no real pleasure in hurting Obi-Wan, he didn't feel guilty about destroying his relationship with Qui-Gon either.

"Besides, this isn't _really_ a request. I was more informing than asking."

"I can't just… _abscond_ with you."

"Of course you can, you're just digging for excuses not to."

"And what happens if Qui-Gon tries to find me on Naboo?"

"He won't, because you'll check in with him via comlink every morning."

"I can't," Obi-Wan repeated, but this time it almost sounded like a question.

Xanatos sighed. "This discussion is a waste of time. Don't make me go through all the effort of kidnapping you; it's just going to put me in a bad mood when we get there."

Apparently accepting his fate, the boy returned to bed. "What if Qui-Gon wants to go to Naboo with me?"

"Tell him you need solitary meditations."

"This is wrong."

"_How?_" Xanatos finally snapped. "How is this wrong, yet nothing else we do is? You can't pick and choose here; it's either all acceptable or a mistake."

"You don't get to be angry with me," Obi-Wan replied, matching Xanatos's sharp tone. "I'm the one risking everything. Your life is the exact same with or without me. You haven't even bothered to change those horrible business operations for my sake. And what's worse, you _brag_ about them."

"I have no interest in destroying your career, unless it comes at the cost of destroying the Jedi in their entirety," Xanatos's voice was ice cold now. "You should not ask me to sacrifice mine."

"Destroying the Jedi." Obi-Wan repeated. "That's exactly my point. If you had to choose between me and your revenge, which would you pick?"

His lover was silent for a moment before, in a surprising display of gentleness, running his hands down Obi-Wan's back and pulling him closer. "I'm not answering that. We'll leave as soon as you tell Qui-Gon."

Xanatos couldn't answer the question because he didn't _know_ the answer. The past year had thrown his life completely off kilter, and he didn't know how to stabilize it.

So for the time being, he was going to live in the moment. That would be enough.

~*~

**A/N**: I don't deserve you guys. You're so patient, and I just constantly toy with your emotions. I'm hoping to get the next chappie of Broken Love up this weekend (I already have half done, so fingers crossed) and I'll try to have the ficlet of Obi-Wan and Xanatos on Telos up this month. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this update, please review.


	13. If It Keeps On Rainin'

**If It Keeps On Rainin'… Levee's Going To Break**

Obi-Wan couldn't remember the last time he felt this at peace. The sun's rays that had snuck in through the blinds illuminated the room and made him feel warm and happy.

"This is nice."

"I told you it would be."

Obi-Wan would have groaned at Xanatos's need to prove his infallibility, but he was too content for that.

He pushed himself closer to the older man and brushed his lips against the other's. "So you did. And it wasn't _completely_ a lie. I did need a break." He pressed his forehead against Xanatos's, his warm breath sending goosebumps down his arms. "And there's no fun in _solitary_ meditation."

"I never much saw the point of it."

"So, we've done the… relaxing part," Obi-Wan kissed Xanatos chest and cuddled closer. "What next?"

"I didn't think that far ahead."

"How unlike you."

"Maybe," Xanatos sighed. "I'm fine right here."

Obi-Wan rolled over and pushed off the sleepcouch. "I'm going to find some tea, don't move."

Not bothering to get dressed, the teenager walked through Xanatos's Telosian home until he found the kitchen. It was strange to be in a country house with Xanatos. It was such a normal place for such a singular man. There was even a holoscreen in the kitchen, to Obi-Wan's surprise. Briefly he wondered if it was there for Xanatos's son, but quickly moved on. If he thought about the child it would only make him wonder where he currently was, what he was doing, and those questions would only annoy Xanatos. Obi-Wan didn't want to do anything to ruin the other man's mellow mood.

After some digging he found a pot to heat some water, and the tea mix was next to it. Absentmindedly he flicked on the holoscreen while brewing the tea. It was a comedy program he didn't know (which wasn't surprising). When the pot began to whistle he removed it and poured a cup.

_Something about him as changed_; Obi-Wan knelt against the counter. _Inviting me here, introducing me to another part of his life I was never allowed in. What's happened?_

An alarm jerked him out of his reverie, and he immediately turned to the stove. But he had turned it off when he retrieved the teapot, there was no fire there. It took several moments before he realized the noise was coming from the screen. An emergency announcement had interrupted the show.

He was dumbfounded as the image flickered into appearance. Without a word he turned off the screen and the stove.

He returned to the bedroom and slammed his cup down on the nearest flat surface. Tea sloshed over the sides and on to the hand-carved wood.

"That," Xanatos started, without opening his eyes. "Was an antique."

"The temple's been attacked!" Obi-Wan shouted, not bothering to control his rage. The light from outside no longer seemed joyful; it just intensified the shadows in the room.

"I know."

"You know?!" Xanatos's serenity was not helping Obi-Wan's tantrum. "You know because you instigated it!"

This time, the dark Jedi opened his eyes. "I did not plan the attack.

"But," he continued after a moment. "I was aware it was going to happen."

"And that's why you brought me here," Obi-Wan snapped in disgust.

Xanatos simply nodded and reclined his head, once again shutting his eyes.

The younger man was furious. He didn't even know he _could_ be this angry. His lover's indifference fueled a violent rage he wasn't familiar with, and didn't know how to release. Without thinking he kicked the bureau his cup was lying on. The wood splintered in a circle around his now throbbing foot and his cup rolled to the floor, spilling what few drops remained.

Xanatos sat up. "Are you having some sort of psychotic fit?" He demanded in irritation.

The boy grabbed the first thing his hand landed on, a small painted vase, and chucked it at the other while shouting. "The temple is on _fire_."

The dark Jedi lifted a single hand and caught the vase around its stem. He placed it on the nightstand and returned his gaze to Obi-Wan. It was hard and cold.

"The fire will be put out," he said with a chilled steadiness. "The plan of attack was flawed and the culprits will be caught. The deaths will be minimal, maybe half a dozen. This is not a tragedy."

"Every life is precious, every death is tragic," Obi-Wan shook his head, anger evaporating into a heavy sadness. "I love many people in that temple."

"You could try being grateful."

"For what? You took me away from my friends – my family – when they needed me the most."

"I was protecting you."

"I don't need your protection. What I _did_ need was your prevention," Obi-Wan's eyes began to burn. "You said you knew. You could have stopped this."

Xanatos sighed and pushed off the sleepcouch. "You're not coming back to bed, so I might as well find a cup of caff."

"_Xanatos_."

"If you're honestly surprised that I didn't help the Jedi you don't know me at all."

Obi-Wan was not stung by this comment. Truly, he would have been more surprised had Xanatos warned them. Of course his lover had chosen to play a game instead. That was very like Xanatos, and he would never change. But everyday Obi-Wan hoped…

Maybe it was finally time to stop.

"I can't do this anymore."

He couldn't see the other man, but he knew his steps had halted at the doorway.

"You say that like you can walk away."

"I can."

"And you're so sure I'll let you?"

The dark Jedi moved so he was standing directly behind Obi-Wan. His right hand slid up the boy's back and came to grip the side of his neck. He bent slightly to kiss his jawline.

Obi-Wan tried to move away, but Xanatos grabbed him tightly. "What happened at the temple has nothing to do with you and me."

"Except is has everything to do with us," Obi-Wan argued.

"What do you want to hear? An apology? That would be one of those lies you so detest, but I'll say it if you want me to."

With the other man at this proximity, Obi-Wan had to cling to his resolve. It was becoming a chore not to fall for him. Obi-Wan felt like he was drowning in his feelings.

"I don't want anything from you, I just want to go back."

"Why?" Xanatos asked, almost softly. "There's nothing you can do now."

"I have to get out of here," Obi-Wan said, his voice choking with frustration. "Because I should hate you for what you've done, and I can't."

"That doesn't sound like a reason to _end_ a relationship."

"You don't understand me or the things I want. You don't even try."

"That's because there isn't a point," Xanatos released his grip on Obi-Wan. "And for the record, you don't bother to see _my_ side of things."

"I see your side very clearly," Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "And that's why I'm ending this."

Suddenly and surprisingly Xanatos smiled at him. His handsome, disarming smile. "You know why I don't believe you?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "No more games Xanatos."

"Because," he continued regardless, "you have no intention of ending anything. You want something, though I'm not sure what. What are you searching for? Some promise that I'll end my disagreeable ways? A declaration of love? I'm not going to give you either, so you might as well drop it."

"Your _disagreeable_ ways?! Evil. Just say the word," Obi-Wan spat at him. All of his anger came rushing back at Xanatos's dismissal. "How dare you tell me what I feel?!"

"You're being a child; it's time to calm down."

Shocked, Obi-Wan raised his hands in defeat. "I'm done, I'm leaving. If I have to call Qui-Gon and tell him where I am, I will."

"I think you're taking this ultimatum too far."

If Obi-Wan had any chance, any chance at all, of hitting Xanatos and actually landing the blow, he would have. Nothing he said got through to the other man; he just ignored anything that displeased him. Or destroyed it.

"This is not a threat," Obi-Wan said slowly. "I'm telling you my intentions."

"And you've thought this through?"

The question startled Obi-Wan. Had he? What would he do with himself without Xanatos? He had a routine while on Coruscant, one that he followed carefully. What would fill the time without his lover? Would he find another? It would never be the same. But he couldn't reconcile what he wanted with what Xanatos did.

Xanatos smirked. "That's what I thought."

"You're not even sorry."

"You're right, I'm not sorry for the death of Jedi," Xanatos made careful eye contact with Obi-Wan. "But I am sorry that my actions have caused you pain."

"I don't believe you."

"I think you do."

"So what?" Obi-Wan snapped. "I'm supposed to forgive and forget? We move forward like this never happened?"

"That's what I had planned. I have no intentions of changing for you, and I've never asked you to change for me."

Xanatos strolled across the room and grasped the sides of Obi-Wan's face, kissing him roughly and without warning. He spoke when they broke apart.

"The best thing we can do is make a pact. What we do when we're apart has no effect on us when we're together."

"That's ridiculous."

"And you have a better alternative?"

Xanatos has maneuvered him into a corner, and the older man knew it. Obi-Wan could already see the triumph in his eyes. They had no other options, no choices. He couldn't just break away, too much of him was tied up in Xanatos.

He couldn't go back, he could only move forward. That's what a Jedi would say.

~*~

**Important: The main reason why it takes me so long to update the ficlets is that I often run out of ideas. If any of you has a scenario you'd like to see with Obi-Wan/Xanatos let me know in a review, PM, e-mail, etc. and I'll try to make it happen.**

A/N: So I promised you guys ch.6 before this update, but I've kind of written myself into a corner, so I need to knock down some walls. I'm hoping to have the new chappie up soon. Thanks for reading, please review!

P.S. Brownie points for anyone who knows what song I'm referencing in the title.


	14. Nighttime Jaunt

**Nighttime Jaunt **

Cool hands slid down his chest, and he moved closer to them.

"Xanatos," he said wistfully, still half-asleep.

"Well that's flattering."

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, expecting to wake up in Xanatos's bed like he had so many times before. But something was wrong, this was different. He wasn't on Xanatos's sleepcouch, he was on his own. In his room.

In the _temple_.

He shot out from under the covers so fast his bare feet slid on the floor and he almost fell. Xanatos was standing next to the bed in his dark cloak, his hand still hovering over where the boy had been.

"What are you doing?" Obi-Wan hissed. "Are you _insane_?"

Xanatos raised an eyebrow. "Is that a rhetorical question?"

"This is _not_ funny. How did you even get in?"

"I've proven before that temple security is not infallible," Xanatos smiled. "No matter what Miro thinks. He was never as good as me."

"Xanatos," Obi-Wan snapped. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be back until next week."

The other man shrugged. "Exactly, I'm early. And you told me not to contact you in case someone overheard, so my only option was to come here. You brought this on yourself."

He was aghast. "And you thought coming here was a wiser decision than calling me?"

"Of course not, the point is you told me not to call. You never said I couldn't drop by."

"I thought it was a given!" Obi-Wan threw his arms up in frustration. "You have to leave."

"Now that's just rude after all the effort I wasted breaking in."

"Do you know what will happen if you're found in here?" The teenager could hardly think coherently through what was happening. _Qui-Gon is right across the hall_ was his only thought.

Xanatos walked towards him, and he backed up until he hit the wall. The other man braced himself with both hands on either side of Obi-Wan's head. He pressed close and licked the shell of his ear. "But doesn't that make it more fun?"

"You're going to get me kicked out of the Order."

"If we're caught say I forced you."

"Like that's believable."

He smirked, clear amusement in his eyes. "If you'd like I could tie you up, make the lie more plausible."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Yes, I'm sure that idea is for _my_ benefit."

Xanatos smiled and slid his hand down Obi-Wan until he reached a _very_ sensitive area. "You'd enjoy it enough."

The boy wiggled out of his grasp. "Alright, I'll leave with you, but we have to get you out of here."

"I'm in the mood now."

"Back at your place."

"I don't think I can wait that long."

"Xanatos."

He tugged on Obi-Wan's braid. "Just give in; we both know you're going to eventually."

Obi-Wan sighed, seeing no way out of this. He reached over a pressed the "lock" button on his door. All doors in the temple were equipped with the mechanism, though rarely used. After all, what would one Jedi need to hide from the others?

"Fine," Obi-Wan said, trying to make his voice sound put out and irritated. "But you have to be fast, and you can_not_ sleep here."

Xanatos smiled triumphantly. "So, what about that vibrocuffs idea?"

~*~

**A/N**: So I wrote this in response to Staryday asking for a chappie that wasn't bittersweet. I realized that a lot of the stories, while they stay together, are a little sad. So I was going for upbeat in this chapter. I also noticed that a few of you want Qui-Gon to catch them. Chronologically that would end the ficlets since I don't know how they would continue with Qui-Gon knowing, but I think I'm going to try and write a companion piece with that as the focus so you guys can get your fix without the story ending. Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!


	15. Serendipity

**Serendipity **

It was days like this that made Xanatos positive the force was on his side.

On Coruscant they shared a secret, and their lives were intertwined. Away from Coruscant, Xanatos and Obi-Wan kept to their own separate spheres of existence. They didn't talk about this fragmentation and they certainly didn't ask questions. Ignorance is bliss after all, and neither of them _really_ wanted to know anyway.

The dark Jedi kept the boy far from his thoughts when they were apart. He refused to let someone else hold any sway over his mind. But then, on the one day that he slipped from his control and allowed himself to think of the brat their spheres collided. No explosion, no reality rip, just a fragile tug at the back of his mind.

He _felt_ him. There on that random, inconsequential rock of a planet, his boy had landed. Somehow they had both ended up at the same place, same time.

"What are the odds?" Xanatos wondered out loud with a bemused smile. Coincidence. Fate. Serendipity. But he didn't believe in those things. He made his own future, hence his present state.

He knew what he _should _have done. He should have gone about his own business and let Obi-Wan continue his mission in relative peace. Just because he had sensed the young Jedi that didn't mean the other had done the same. If they were caught Obi-Wan's career, his very life, would be ruined. Staying away was the right thing to do.

But, then again, Xanatos had never been very good at moral dilemmas.

_Besides_, he thought amicably. _I can't exactly back out now. _

He lounged back in his chair. Not exactly _his_ chair, it technically belonged to the hotel where he was, to his credit, patiently waiting for Obi-Wan who was, much to his annoyance, late. It was very rude. True, Xanatos _had_ threatened him, but that was no excuse for a lack of punctuality. And he didn't so much _threaten_ as coerce.

The door rushed open, and Xanatos wondered if Obi-Wan had given it a little push via the force. He had never seen a door look angry before.

"What is wrong with you?" the young Jedi hissed once they were locked in again. "Did going into the same building as Qui-Gon not ring of stupidity?"

The other man wasn't used to be insulted, but he was in a gracious mood and took the jab at his own stride. "I had the situation under control. How else was I supposed to get your attention?"

"Pulling me into a closet and saying that if I didn't meet you here you'd show yourself to Qui-Gon is not 'getting my attention'."

"What would you call it?"

"I don't know, harassment?"

Xanatos smirked good-humoredly. "And I thought I was doing you a favor, meeting you here rather than having you in the closet."

Obi-Wan's face burned red. "You could have waited until we returned to Coruscant."

"How was I to know when you'd be back? I could have missed you."

"We somehow manage to see each other plenty."

Xanatos rose from his seat and walked towards Obi-Wan, who backed up until he hit the wall. "When you're older you'll understand that we take opportunities as they come and don't just hope they'll appear again."

The boy's eyes narrowed into a glare. "This is only an opportunity for you to prove to me once again that you're in control."

The veracity of that statement surprised Xanatos. He had viewed this whole event as a game; extended foreplay. But he was a man who liked to be in-charge. And feeling like he held power over people was part of the reason he started up with Obi-Wan; because the boy's loyalty was with Qui-Gon, and yet Xanatos could manipulate him. And easily at that.

"Maybe so," he conceded. "But are you honestly unhappy to be here?"

"Define unhappy," Obi-Wan responded stiffly.

The older man moved close enough that he could smell the soap on Obi-Wan's skin. He reached his hands down and undid the boy's belt. "Are you going to have sex with me?"

He sighed, but Xanatos wasn't sure if it was weary or lustful. "I always do."

Xanatos stepped back, no longer amused. It was hard to put him in a good mood, but easy to take him out of it. Obi-Wan's lack of interest quickly grated his nerves.

"Go back to your master," he waved his hand dismissively, returning to his chair and his ale.

"Xanatos?" the boy looked startled.

"Are you still here?" He raised an eyebrow and sipped his drink. "I said get out."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but I can only take so much whining. I'd like some peace and quiet now."

"You told me to come here!"

"And now I'm telling you to leave."

Obi-Wan's forehead wrinkled in thought before he went forward, standing in front of Xanatos and resting his hands on the other man's shoulders. He knelt so that he was almost at eye level with Xanatos's seated position, caressing his cheek. "Something's happened."

The dark Jedi smacked his hand away. "Every time I turn around you're there. I can't even get any solitude within my own head."

Obi-Wan pushed as close as he could, heat radiating between their bodies. He pressed his lips to Xanatos's so lightly that they almost didn't touch. He reached into the other man's tunic and pressed his fingers against the hard muscles and scars. "Solitude is overrated."

A wave of need shook him and Xanatos shoved the boy down to the floor and pressed against him. One hand gripped his arm hard enough to bruises, and he used the other to tug at his pants. "You know it's a bad idea to bait me."

Obi-Wan rubbed against him, which was excruciating when combined with their already close proximity. "Maybe I like it better when it hurts."

Sheer lust kept Xanatos from making a snide comment at that. He couldn't remember ever desiring someone so fiercely for such an extended period of time, and that concerned him. He didn't like anyone having power over him.

But there was plenty of time for this to worry him. Later.

~*~

**A/N**: So I'm a slacker I know. I would blame school, but I'm slacking there too so I guess I'm just lazy. Notice how I shamelessly use a make-out session to win you guys back. I'm going to try to get the new chappie of BL up over my fall break, which is two weeks from now. See you guys then!


	16. Your Love Is My Drug

**Your Love… Is My Drug**

He didn't know how Xanatos did it.

First, he talked Obi-Wan into his penthouse, which was quite the accomplishment. Then, and even more impressively, he talked Obi-Wan into his bed. And his shower. And his living room floor. And his kitchen table. Then he talked his way into Obi-Wan's bed. At the temple.

And now, now the young, gullible teenager found himself once again in his own bed. On his hands and knees, hands that were bound at the wrist with _his own belt_. One of his dojo sashes was tied about his head, gagging him. His lover had complained that he whined too much. The gag didn't silence him so much that he couldn't moan appreciatively around it as Xanatos gripped his hips, thrusting behind him.

_How he talks me into these things_… Obi-Wan wondered as Xanatos hit an especially sensitive spot and his body arched.

There was nothing that turned Xanatos on more than humiliating Obi-Wan. Unfortunately, nothing turned Obi-Wan on more either, hence his predicament. So when he entered his room earlier to find an already naked Xanatos on his bed, a bottle of oil in one hand and a wicked smile on his face, Obi-Wan's first reflex was to lock the door. His second reflex was to take off all his clothes, but he held that one in check.

"What do you think I am?" Obi-Wan hissed, willing his arousal away.

"You're a Jedi Padawan," Xanatos answered innocently. "Who wants to rinse off a stressful day by letting me take him hard, on this bed."

"No."

"You'd prefer the floor?"

"It's not a joke!" Obi-Wan snapped, then dropped his voice to a whisper. "You're going to get me expelled."

"Only if we get caught," Xanatos rose slowly, walking toward Obi-Wan. The boy stood very still, deciding that was preferable to retreating and getting trapped against a wall, like he usually did. His lips brushed against Obi-Wan's as he spoke. "And don't you know by now that I never get caught?"

The older man pushed him back against the same wall he had tried to avoid. One hand reached down, undoing Obi-Wan's trousers and dropping them to the floor, thus revealing the erection that Obi-Wan had tried to pretend he didn't have. Xanatos slid down until he was kneeling on the floor in front of the Jedi. Obi-Wan's breathing hitched as his tongue slid up the boy's shaft before taking the whole member into his mouth.

His head lulled back and hit the wall with a soft thud, but he didn't care. All he could think about was Xanatos's hands on his hips and the way his mouth was caressing him.

"You're incredible," the words left his mouth in a breathy moan before he could stop them. Xanatos didn't answer, of course, but Obi-Wan could have kicked himself. He would never hear the end of _that_.

_And now I'm here, bound and gagged_ _with an empty bottle of sensual oil on my floor,_ Obi-Wan thought, only a little bitter. He couldn't summon any real irritation as his body was numb with pleasure and moving to Xanatos's fast rhythm. _But force he's good._

He released his annoyance, enveloping himself in the moment. The sheer pleasures of the flesh.

And at precisely that moment there was a knock at the door.

"Obi-Wan?" a voice called.

Qui-Gon's voice.

Panic rushed through Obi-Wan like a fire through dry brush.

Xanatos stopped, going completely still. After a moment he reached a finger under the sash, loosening it so Obi-Wan could speak.

"Yes master?" he called, hoping he didn't sound as breathless as he felt. Or, at the very least, Qui-Gon would mistake it for sleepiness.

"Master Yoda assigned us an emergency mission. I'll need a few hours to book us passage and make further arrangements, but we'll leave at dawn."

"I understand master." _Please, go away_. Obi-Wan was distinctly aware of Xanatos still inside of him as he spoke. For the first time in a long time he felt ashamed of their relationship.

"You don't want to know where we're going?"

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. That's always the first question he asked, of course Qui-Gon would expect it.

"Where are we going?"

Xanatos sighed in frustration, pulling out so suddenly that Obi-Wan almost gasped. He laid down on the bed soundlessly.

"Untie me," Obi-Wan whispered.

Xanatos raised a single eyebrow.

The young Jedi could hear Qui-Gon speaking on the other side of the door, but he wasn't listening.

"Untie me, _now_."

"No."

"Are you serious!" Obi-Wan whisper-snapped.

"For force's sake, get rid of him."

"Obi-Wan?" his name turned the boy's attention back to the door. "Is everything alright?"

_No, actually master everything is not alright. You see I'm in bed with Xanatos, who I allowed to tie me up and do all sorts of dirty things to me, except now he won't untie me so I can reassure you that nothing's wrong and you'll go away, therefore not catching us._

"Of course," he answered, maybe a little too quickly.

There was a pause.

"Are you alone?"

Obi-Wan's mind raced with possible excuses. There had to be a way out of this. Qui-Gon wouldn't care that he was having sex, but the having-sex-with-his-arch-enemy part might make a difference.

"No," he responded desperately. Xanatos's eyes studied him with almost careless interest. "No, I… uh… I have someone in here with me."

"I apologize," Qui-Gon said amicably. Obi-Wan could hear his footsteps as he walked back down the hall, respecting his apprentice's privacy.

Xanatos smiled at him disarmingly. "I'm impressed."

"I hate you," Obi-Wan glared at him.

"Hate leads to suffering."

"Shut up and untie me."

The corner of Xanatos's mouth lifted. "You know, I don't think I will."

"_What!_?"

The dark Jedi pressed his mouth against Obi-Wan's roughly, biting his tongue. The boy tasted a sliver of blood in his mouth. He then rose, getting dressed with his back facing the bed.

_He won't just leave. Surely not._

As the older man pulled his boots on, Obi-Wan started to grow worried.

"You can't just leave me like this."

Xanatos turned back around, his blue eyes roving over the young Jedi's body. "I think I can. It will give me a mental image to dream about while you're on that mission."

"It's not funny anymore, untie me."

"I undid your gag."

"Yes, that was very generous of you," Obi-Wan spat sarcastically.

"I thought so."

"Xanatos _please_."

"Hmmm, the begging's nice too." He ran one crooked finger under Obi-Wan's chin. "Come visit me when you get back."

And without another word he stepped out the window, vanishing.

The boy gawked at where his lover had stood in shock, half-expecting him to climb back in. The minutes ticked by, and nothing happened.

Glancing down at the looped belt Obi-Wan hoped he'd be able to slip it before dawn.

**A/N**: Hello everyone! It's been awhile, but I'm back and in the mood for some slash! Next in EYEM: Obi-Wan goes to have a few words with Xanatos post-mission. :D Reviews are appreciated, hope everyone is having a great, smutty summer.


	17. I Will Love You Better Now

**I Will Love You Better Now**

It had been three months since he had last seen Obi-Wan. At first, he assumed that the boy was simply off-planet. On a mission, meditating... an infinite number of possibilities existed. It wasn't as if Xanatos sat around waiting for him to show up anyway; he had his own corporation to run, business to take care of, plotting to do… he couldn't be bothered to sit around hoping Obi-Wan would deign to grace him with his presence.

But then, one week became two. Then three. Days ticked by more slowly. Xanatos could practically hear his chrono clicking through every second that he didn't see the insufferable teenager, spanning into a month. Then two. Now three. He busied himself with other things, refusing to acknowledge that it bothered him. He wasn't some lovesick pre-teen girl who had nothing better to do than wallow over a missed date. There was, however, some itching in the back of his brain beneath his veneer of indifference. It started out as a small irritant, and then slowly grew into a constant thrum. A suspicion, maybe even a fear…

Obi-Wan was never coming back.

But that was absurd, grounded in nothing. The boy constantly threatened to leave him, but that's all it was. An empty threat. They hadn't even fought the last time they had been together. Not really. Okay, maybe a little bit, but nothing abnormal. So then, where was he?

It was a battle of pride for Xanatos. He'd sought out Obi-Wan in the past when he was feeling impatient or just wanted to fluster the boy, but this was different. Those other times weren't after such a huge gap between visits; they were playful banter, extended foreplay. This time… He had been spurned, practically rejected. Obi-Wan refused to come see him, as if _he_ was in a position to turn down Xanatos. The older man couldn't bring himself to look for the boy. It would have been weak.

Or at least, that's what he told himself a month ago.

Somehow, despite the fact that he didn't care (and he _didn't_) he found himself stepping carefully through a window into the Jedi Temple, their security laughable as usual. The new locks were amusing; they had taken Xanatos a whole three standard minutes to crack. That was a new record for the Temple, and he mentally congratulated them. He congratulated himself on his own brilliance more, of course.

The boy wasn't in his room, forcing Xanatos to retreat back to the ledge and find another window. He couldn't risk entering the hallway through Obi-Wan's room; someone could be out there. What would he say when asked why he was in there? Even assuming that the Jedi in question didn't recognize him, it would still be suspicious.

He stood on the ledge for several moments, using the force to cloak himself while he considered his next move. Obi-Wan might be in the medbay. If the teenager was somehow injured on mission he could still be recovering. It made sense, at least more sense than the alternative: he had simply decided he didn't want to see Xanatos anymore. That didn't make any sense _at all_.

It was also more desirable than another alternative: Obi-Wan had suffered from something worse than a mere injury. That he was never coming back, because he simply couldn't.

Xanatos banished the thought as soon as it slipped in from his subconscious. _He's not dead. I would know if he died. I would have felt it – he would have reached out to me._

Ever so carefully, he traced his way around the outside of the Temple until he found a window closer to the med center, but still in a relatively deserted part of the building. It was late, so there weren't many Jedi or employees about. However, there was always some life going on in the Temple; even Jedi could experience insomnia, especially the Padawans. And some Jedi were members of naturally nocturnal species. He went still beside the window, reaching out with the force. There was no one in the hallway, and he silently pried the window open and slipped inside. Pulling his hood up to hide his face, he strolled down the corridor toward the medbay like he belonged. It wasn't a complete lie.

About 10 yards from the destination he stopped, leaning against the wall. He couldn't risk actually entering the medbay – healers were the worst kind of nosey, and he didn't feel like inventing some absurd story for going into the medbay without needing any healing himself. Assuming Obi-Wan was in there he could feign a visit, but if he wasn't then what? No, he would rely on his own abilities to feel for the boy. If Obi-Wan was there he would know.

Pressing against the wall he reached out, searching for the boy he couldn't admit he was worried about. Nothing. No response. He wasn't…

There was a subtle, gentle pull in the corner of Xanatos' mind.

Not the medbay. Someplace else… but not far.

Xanatos turned on his heel, walking quickly, but not _too_ quickly, in another direction. Obi-Wan was here somewhere, and not, to Xanatos' irritation, grievously injured.

His trek took him to wide lounge, the Temple's version of a café. It was frequented by Padawans for relaxing with friends and casual studying. Obi-Wan's presence in such a place when he was supposed to be mending from a broken leg or cracked skull did nothing to improve Xanatos' mood.

The room was spacious, filled with comforting things like fluffy chairs and low footrests. Instead of entering through the main doors Xanatos cut around to a back entrance with a staircase. Above the room was a loft area with extra tables. He remembered from his time at the Temple that the loft only filled up when there was no room on the floor below – or when there was a student who wanted to be with others, but left alone.

He hugged the wall to better keep from being seen, and glanced over the railing.

Obi-Wan was below. Completely fine. _Completely fine_. Someone was with him, another boy maybe two or three years older than Obi-Wan. They sat extremely close together, their knees touching and their heads bent towards each other conspiratorially. The stranger reached over and squeezed Obi-Wan's hand affectionately. Very slowly, he lifted that same hand and kissed the knuckles.

Xanatos' vision went red. Jealousy flashed through him like a knife. What was going on down there? It took all his self-control to keep from murdering the interloper. Or both of them. But murdering one – or two – Jedi when there were droid servers milling about ready to raise an alarm would unnecessarily complicate his life.

As if suddenly sensing Xanatos' deep flash of anger, Obi-Wan's head shot up, shock on his face. He ripped his hand from the other boys grip, but it was too late. Their blue eyes met beneath Xanatos' hood.

The older man ducked back into the shadows just as Obi-Wan's "friend" lifted his head as well.

His fury shook all the way to his core, more deeply than even he would have expected. His fists clenched and unclenched, and he suddenly wished he hadn't come at all. It was an unusual feeling for Xanatos – like he had made a mistake. He felt exposed in a way he had never felt before.

Needing to be any place but there he turned and left the Temple.

-E-

_No_. Nonononono.

What was he doing there? It was one thing to sneak into Obi-Wan's room in the middle of the night and sneak back out, but why would he be in the _lounge_? Did he _want_ to be caught?

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost," Markus touched Obi-Wan's shoulder.

He visibly and almost violently flinched away from his friend, and the other boy's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What's wrong?" He repeated.

Despite the Jedi order being a relatively close-knit group, Markus and Obi-Wan had never met prior to his most recent mission with Qui-Gon. Markus and his master had accompanied them.

Obi-Wan found him... _distracting_. He had spent any spare moment on the mission with Markus, and found himself wanting to spend more time with him than even that. Since returning to the Temple whenever he wasn't studying he was with the other Padawan. How long had it been? Surely not that long. Not long enough to compel his indifferent lover to look for him...

Apparently, it was longer than he had realized.

Obi-Wan glanced helplessly back up at the loft, but Xanatos was gone. Long gone. Bile rose in his throat. He could only imagine what the older man had seen, and assumed. Or maybe assumed was the wrong word. What was going on suddenly seemed very obvious to Obi-Wan in a way that it hadn't before. He glanced at Markus with realization. Was this cheating? He almost let out a humorless laugh at that. Was he even in the type of relationship where one _could_ cheat?

"Obi-Wan?"

"I have to go," he rose so quickly he almost tripped. "I'm sorry, but there's something I have to do right now."

He practically ran out of the room, leaving his friend bewildered and confused.

-E-

The knuckles on his hand split open as he punched a hole into the wall of his penthouse. It didn't help.

Stepping back, he drew the force around him like an angry ball. It wound tighter and tighter around him, and then he released it like a spring. The energy wave crashed through the room, splitting furniture and cracking the windows. He breathed out heavily. He was in control of his anger. It was a weapon, not a wound.

He didn't know how long he stood there, focusing on the force and his anger until the door to the penthouse slid open. Only one person knew the entry code. Xanatos didn't even need to look up.

"Get out."

Obi-Wan stopped several feet from him. Smart. He surveyed the destruction in the living space. "I need to talk to you. What you saw... it wasn't what it looked like."

Now Xanatos did turn his head towards the boy, lifting an eyebrow. A façade of indifference and calm. "Is that so?"

A shaky step forward, slightly closer to Xanatos but still out of arms' reach. "I was just talking to my friend. That's all he is."

"At yet you feel the need to explain. What's your point?"

The harshness in Xanatos' tone made Obi-Wan falter. "I just… I wanted you to know that there's nothing going on with him. Not really."

Without warning Xanatos shot across the divide so that he and Obi-Wan were only a few inches apart. The boy was so startled he took an involuntary step back.

"And what difference does it make to me either way?" A smirk played across Xanatos face, and he let out a cruel laugh. "You didn't think I cared, did you?"

Obi-Wan stared back at him, an ache in his eyes. He didn't answer.

"Oh," Xanatos stepped back and raised an eyebrow. "Do you think I _love_ you?"

Hurt crossed Obi-Wan's face. "Why are you being this way? I'm just trying to talk to you. And," he continued waving his hand around the room, "obviously you do care, as you've taken it out on the furniture."

It was exactly the wrong thing to say. Fury pooled in Xanatos' vision and he grabbed the boy's chin in one hand and wrist in the other. "I am angry," He said slowly, letting each word sink in. "But not because of some pathetic feelings for a Jedi child. I'm angry because you are _nothing_, and yet you think you have some power over me. You think you have some right to decide if and when this ends, and you don't."

He released the boy's chin and wrist, leaving angry red marks where his fingers had been. "Now, if you want to strip down and get in my bed I will gladly have you, or you can leave. It doesn't matter to me either way."

Without another word he turned and walked towards his bedroom. Triumphantly, he heard the boy following him. But before he could feel any relief or victory he stumbled forward. It took him several seconds to realize what happened. Obi-wan had shoved him. _Obi-Wan_ had shoved _him_.

"Who do you think you are!?" The boy's voice shook with anger and unshed tears. "Why do you try to ruin _everything_!?"

Xanatos turned and looked his lover, if he was still that, up and down scornfully. "There isn't anything to ruin. And anyway, I wasn't the one crawling all over another Padawan. After all your diatribes of fidelity, look at yourself. You're a hypocrite."

"Why do you care about it if I'm nothing?" Obi-Wan spat. "And I wasn't crawling all over anyone. Markus is a friend. A friend I flirted with, okay? He's kind-spirited and gentle, everything that you're not. So maybe I did want him. So what?"

_Want_ him? Obi-Wan had wanted, or maybe he still wanted, that weak Jedi Padawan?

Xanatos' hands clenched slowly. "You know," he said carefully, "you're completely alone here. Do you really think it's a good idea to bait me? I could hurt you. I could _kill_ you."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "You have no reason to be angry. If I don't mean anything to you, then why lash out at me?"

There was a challenge in his glare, Xanatos could see it. Exactly what Obi-Wan was challenging him to do, he didn't know for sure.

"Why did you want him?" Xanatos asked finally.

Confusion crossed Obi-Wan's face momentarily, as if he had forgotten about this "Markus" altogether. "I guess, because he's good. A better person than you. I wondered what it would be like to be with someone like him."

It made sense. Even to him, in the midst of his anger, he could understand. He never thought he would be able to hold on to good, moral Obi-Wan. Somewhere in his mind he had always known.

"So why are you here?"

Obi-Wan sighed heavily. "Because when I saw you all I felt was guilt, and suddenly Markus was _too_ good. He would never treat someone the way I treated you – I think a part of me actually wanted to hurt you by not coming to see you."

Xanatos' anger was replaced by a deep weariness, setting in all the way to his bones. "We have no promise of monogamy. The whole idea of that is foolish. I don't know why you bothered feeling guilty."

"Because I'm in love with you," Obi-Wan shrugged his shoulders.

The words hung heavily in the silence, equal parts foreboding and hope.

"What?" Xanatos said after several moments of just staring at Obi-Wan. He had heard the boy, but the words had yet to sink in. Surely he hadn't just said that. No one had ever said that to him before…

"I love you," Obi-Wan repeated more slowly. "I'm in love with you. I don't want anyone but you. I don't want you to want anyone either."

Xanatos didn't know what to say. He wouldn't repeat the words back; they were stuck in his throat. He didn't know if he loved Obi-Wan, he wasn't even sure he was _capable_ of loving anyone. But if he was going to love someone, he knew with complete certainty it would that boy.

As if he didn't expect a response, or maybe afraid of what the response might be, Obi-Wan flung himself at Xanatos. He kissed him desperately, tugging the other man's cloak off in the process. This was something Xanatos could handle, something he knew how to do. He pulled the boy even closer to him, biting his lip and tongue. They didn't need words.

They knew.

-E-

A/N: Wow. I know it's been FOREVER. I'm reigniting my love of Obi-Wan/Xanatos. I just hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and the next one, which is the smutty aftermath of this fight and may even be up before I go to bed tonight.

And gee wiz how does one do symbol-based section breaks in this new set-up!? Clearly I've been away from for too long.


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